Recovering as a Family is Challenging

Hello from Hunter.

This is a short blog as I am tired. What is happening to me in this process of recovery is exhausting. I have prayed for Mark to get sober for so long and am so very grateful for his commitment to his recovery, our marriage, and our child.

IN order for him to recover he has to eat, sleep, live and breath AA 24/7. I am very supportive of this and would not have it any other way , but sometimes it wears me out. It is wonderful for us to banter and talk with each other, and tonight we sat down to the dinner table as a family and it was really nice...I can't remember doing this very much in the past. It is great to see Mark sitting outside on our stoop reading an AA book and relaxing instead of falling down drunk..It has been such a nightmare these past few years.

Like so many in this situation I was desperate to keep my family together...I am grateful that it has turned out this way..Each day Mark stays sober and does not drink his mind gets clearer and our life together gets better. AND I am focusing more and more on me and those around me.

I have been on a big kick to get our son into shape as he has terrible eating habits and is overweight. I have done this by paying attention to my weight problem and working on it together. I cook delicious meals and desserts that taste fattening but are not and am helping him to be aware of when he overeats, how to make up for this, and what healthy choices are...I am doing the same for me and starting to think about herbal supplements and more vitamins....One day at a time. We are losing weight very slowly but I know it will pay off. AND it is the first time in a long time that I actually see myself as a thin person once again.

It is hard to deal with Mark's mood swings and to be accepting of the fact that that all of his behavior will not change overnight...I manage this by being grateful for his not drinking and focusing on myself as much as I can.

This of course would be much easier if we had an income that could pay our basic bills and work toward restoring our credit....One day at a time is great wisdom, as is gratitude, but it is time for our finances to take a turn for the better and time for Mark to contribute.....I am and have been doing all I can, it is time for Mark to do the same...

It is hard for me to accept that this might be a trigger to drink as it was in the past. BUT today I really do trust Mark's recovery and believe that he will not drink no matter what. It is wonderful to hear him observe others and start to admit that he was as sick, if not sicker than them.

We are all slowly becoming happy joyous and free and it is amazing to see our son smiling an laughing most of the time like real kids do on a regular basis-a luxury he did not have last year when things were at their worst, or most of his life for that matter.

I am rambling all over the place on this post...I guess what I want to say is that I am focusing on me, grateful for the change in our lives and the love we have together, and am happy to be moving forward...glad to see Mark confronting and dealing with his past rather then burying it and drinking and happy to finally be free to focus more on me and my needs and at the same time have a partner in life who loves me and is committed to our family. We really do have a lot to learn, for the first time, and a lot to discover about ourselves and each other....and thanks to recovery we will have the chance.

When Mark was active my mother would often ask me if I loved him..I was unable to answer at the time as I was not sure I did love him as an active alcoholic but always knew he was very special and a kindred spirit for me...He is almost 6 months sober today and I am finally getting to see that man and falling back in love more and more each day. I am still hurt and disappointed and frustrated by old alcoholic behaviors but so very grateful to observe him working on learning new non-alcoholic responsible behaviors. Each new change brought about by sobriety and working the AA program brings so much joy to me, to him, and to our family.

The peace and serenity and calmness that we are starting to experience... The enjoyment of just being together and doing simple things. The normal things that most people take for granted are starting to happen..It is wonderful and there is hope. We are lucky and in love....one day at time.

Hopefully my next post will make a bit more sense and not ramble so.

..Hunter