A FEW THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT ADDICTS AND RECOVERY

Hello from Hunter. First I want to thank all of the awesome people who post comments on our posts. All of you make us smile, laugh, and give encouragement with all of your words so THANK YOU!!!!!!!

I have taken day off to attend a meeting for a "Caring Committee" I serve on. I saw some dear friends and some have given me some great ideas for this blog (more later). I rushed back as Mark has an interview to work in a retail store (not the BIG career BUT a real job-good news and I hope it works out). Mark loves banana bread and I thought I would bring him some from my breakfast meeting as a treat. He just called from the car to tell me the banana bread has alcohol in it and he could taste it! The fear this evoked inside of me-what if I am responsible for him slipping because of a craving set off by a piece of banana nut bread?????? The alcohol was minuscule-probably vanilla extract-AMAZING he could taste it...UNBELIEVABLE and eye opening...It is like a child with peanut allergies we have to be vigilant about everything he eats in and just to reinforce that point one of my fire alarms in the house just went off with that deafening buzz!!!!!! Message from higher power. Mark is sober enough and in recovery enough to do just fine, but I called him to make sure he was OK as I feel awful. He said his body is reacting weird and he feels sick, all from a bite of banana nut bread cooked with some alcohol ingredients.

Good news is that he is honest enough and sober enough in mind and body to recognize this and will go to an AA meeting after his interview. AND we have a movie screening tonight of a friend's film, all about recovery from alcoholism. So I think it will be OK and this was a reminder from our HP to be vigilant about what we drink and what we eat!!!!

I was going to write a funny blog about all the tricks addicts use to hide their behavior and their alcohol-things Mark has shared with me that are eye opening but I am going to save that for another blog since I have been thrown off track by the banana nut bread.

Instead I will piss and moan about the lack of understanding in the court system and the ignorance of the news media covering Lindsay Lohan and other celebrities with addictions and glamorizing it. Let's not forget the current tag line "Paris Hilton going to jail: How Long Will She Stay?" She should stay as long as any other person would stay. She will go out and break the law again and she does not take this seriously. She needs much more serious consequences (see my probation idea below) The only real view of addiction and what it does to you was the recent video of David Hasselhoff showing his "dark side".

Mark is about to finish his "penance" for his DWI. He still blames me for his getting a DWI! Yes I did call the police and inform them that he was driving drunk but I am not the person who got behind the wheel drunk and drove a car intoxicated well beyond the legal limit. I am also not the person who stuck 2 fingers up to the court and ignored my responsibilities to the point where a harsher sentence was imposed:random urine tests for 6 months, daily AA meetings, an 8 week driving class, one Mothers Against Drunk Driving class, and no drinking. But in Mark's sobriety he no longer rages at me for doing this to him he accepts the consequences and moves on....BUT it is astonishing to hear, from the mouth of a sober alcoholic, what active alcoholics think and what they will do. Last night Mark attended his MADD (mothers against drunk driving) class. He observed several people attending who were drunk (they drank in their cars and then washed it down with mouthwash before entering) and others who got into their cars and had a drink immediately after the workshop. Alcoholism is cunning and baffling....and alcoholics can not drink.! When he attended the driving class the first think he was told was that this class will teach you how to drink and drive responsibly. There is no such thing-especially for an alcoholic. An attorney was recently interviewed on TV about Lindsay Lohan. He said she would get off lightly since it was her first offense...Why should she or anyone be allowed to get off lightly-there should be a ZERO tolerance policy for drinking and driving. The courts know nothing
about AA or Alanon and less about recovery. The courts do nothing to resolve the problem...this is true with most crimes. For addicts they should be put on one year probation and remanded to one year of supervised community service and subjected to random drug and alcohol testing. Failure to comply wiht terms should result in immediate "rehab" incarceration. There are enough addicts out there for there to be a "reahb" incarceraqtoin-this would be group meetings and continuous exposure to AA and effects of drug and alcohol abuse...that might do a bit more good than what is being done-and it probably would cost less in the long run.

Back to the madness of recovery today. Mark's interview lasted 15 minutes and he was told he has to come back and meet someone else...Every time mark goes for an interview there is a story as to why it doesn't happen....I ask a few questions and i get screamed at...and today I really screwed it all up by innocently giving him a piece of bread that had alcohol in it. Fortunately for me I know how to detach from his screaming and ranting and not react. That is what I will do for the rest of today, I will take care of myself, and I will pray he gets through the day sober.

I was up late last night so I am going to take a rest now and will write more tomorrow.

Love

Life today is really hard. But life today for us as a couple has all the possibility of a good relationship because Mark is finally sober and realistic about life and responsibilities. Mark is lovable and I can truly stick by him as long as he stays honest, clean and sober. Of course his addiction has cost us mostly everything and today I will have to confront the possible loss of our home to foreclosure and seriously consider selling the only asset we have left before we lose it. This is devastating, especially since it really does not take much to hang on to it, if we both had ordinary jobs, but between the two of us we can't find work and can't cover our expenses. Both of us are bright and both of us have screwed up our careers in the past. I actually believe that Mark will get back on track and one day so will I but for now, it would be good to be able to survive. It is downright scary!!!

Mark keeps sharing with me that his friends in AA say "don't work for a year", "don't drink and all will fall into place" AND finally mark is realistic about life and dealing with reality.IN reality he needs to and wants to work, as do I. I shared these AA comments with my Alanon sponsor and she responded "What an alcoholic thing to say" and to remind mark to take what you like and leave the rest...Mark and I agree with her 1000%. Not working is a bunch of bullshit.

There are some good things in the hopper for Mark ranging from a job in a retail store to a consulting position with a larger firm...There is a BIG difference in the pay for these positions but either one would be fine. As for me I have an interview tomorrow, at the company I am working part time at. I am not sure I will qualify for the position but as always I am going to give it my best shot.

SO how are we recovering as a family today?????? We are loving each other through this and with sobriety able to be supportive. I am dealing with tremendous mood swings from mark and they are hard to take but because of my program I am loving and dealing with it. I also have my own depression and mood swings but can not show mark my sadness as it is too much for him to handle But he knows anyway....

Last week was my birthday. I did not feel special. This weekend I went to visit my uncle's new home. I enjoyed myself with our son, mark did not go. My uncle is very wealthy I wish he could help us out with work but he can't. It was first time I had been away in awhile..Leaving home costs money and I can not afford $50 in gas.....the money pot is dry and I pray it fills up soon. My mom's birthday was this week. She can no longer speak and when I called to sing to her I could not hear her voice....

All in all I am ready for a nervous breakdown...But as mark said to me, he can't live without me..and in recovery I can't live with out him.....So today I really know what for richer or poorer and in sickness and in health really means in the weeding vows and I pray that our love can help us achieve all we dream of.

PRAYERS PRAYERS PRAYERS PLEASE!!!! From all our friends who read our blog and the universe.

Hunter