I am Mark alcoholic. Seems that people miss me when I don't blog. Sorry for the delay.
I think my journey is to be long. I hear plenty of people telling my wife I am near a slip in resopnse to her blog posts because of my attitude and anger. I do not believe there is anything today that will make me drink, today, one day at a time. I should know better by now!!!!! I am by no means immune from my disease but my daily meetings, readings and constant contact with my sponsors is a great way of staying sober.
My big issues are to become more tolerant and calmer. This is the work on myself I need to do. I have spent years beating myself up and running away from myself. As long as I don't drink and stay focussed on my program of recovery all will become better. I can see some improvements and progress everyday that I don't drink.
Most people will always focus on the worst part of a person I just have to pray that I find the good in myself as I finish step 4 this week. I know it's in me to win my life back. I have the tools, the desire, and the passion. I also have team AA on my side the real gift of god as my captain.
As I deal with daily recovery I come across all kinds of characters. Some new, some old, some sober, and some still drunk. All these character's keep this alcoholic sober one day at a time .
I have a new sponsor whom I really respect and he keeps it simple. He always asks the following question: Did you drink today Mark? I answer an honest no! He then answers: 'Then you are having a good day.
I don't understand all of Alanon. I do know that it has helped my wife a great deal and for that I am grateful. She is doing well dealing with me....If I were in her shoes I would have dumped me some time ago!!!! THANK GOD FOR MY WIFE HUNTE!.
Today I was able to spend the afternoon with my son watching his team win baseball 21 to 19 and not worry about stinking of alcohol, running off for a beer in the portaloo, acting out and planning my schemes for the weekend of hiding my drinks, and other things revolving around drinking. What a nightmare I lived through!!!.
I will never be free of my past. It is part of my make up and who I am. There are parts I would change and things I would have done differently..wouldn't we all ? But today I have the gift of sobriety. For me this gift is mine for the keeping. It is hard work but it is also saving my life. When I stand before my creator one day it is me and nobody else who will have been responsible for my life and how I chose to live it .
Tired now and tomorrow is Sunday. I will be back to backing meetings the 7.30 am men's open discussion and the first summer meeting on the beach at 8.30 so I will have a good start to the day .
I have a very exciting future if I don't drink. I have responsibilities to my family and I want to be a great dad and a great husband. All of this is possible if I follow the instructions and learn daily about the new me. Now that's interesting! !!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for letting me share .
Mark alcoholic.
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Friday, May 4, 2007
GOOD DAYS
OK It is Hunter again..Step one tells us to admit we are powerless over people, places, and things. So I am powerless over mark writing a daily blog...I wish he would but it is up to him to do so.
Where am I today? I have really solid program that helps me in all my affairs. It does not make my life perfect but it makes it manageable. I am still nervous about finances and frustrated at my inablitiy to get hired for jobs...But I do believe there is a plan and hte right thing will happen..Gods watch is on a completely different time zone than mine and VERY slow. BUT I feel God more and more each day.
Last year at this time I was working as a recruiter and HATED it! I did not like the person I worked for AND I was so overwhelmed with the chaous of alcoholism that I could not think straight. Mark was living in the Hamptons and DRUNK most of the time. Our son was in turmoil needing me so and so sad about not having a dad who could be there for him. Last year at this time I remember getting drunk and abusive phone calls and I remember Mark telling us he was an extra in SPiderman 3 always sounding drunk...I remember the house getting broken into and valuable things special to me stolen and the only suspect being mark-I have no idea why I put up with this behaviour other than to say that I too was very sick....I never want to go back to those days ever.
Today- we do everything as a family. Mark comes to school functions, he leads AA meetings and is devoted to his program, our son is happy and has a daddy who is there for him with a clear head and so much more. Mark and I are working together to rebuild the trust that has been shattered by alcoholism and things are getting better..I feel blessed for this.
There is still a lot of mistrust and wreckage of the past to clean up...ALl is happening slowly. A lot of it revolves around money,..I pray it gets straightened out. In fact there are some major issues I need to discuss with mark as soon as he returns from his meeting and I am dreading teh discussion. I think his voice will raise above a normal tone and he will flail about and nothing will get resolved...I am praying for guidance as I write this and praying that I say things in a way that Mark hears and responds appropriately to, not with anger and stupidity. . I have tremendous anxiety and anger as mark has a history of lying to me about money and I fear he is doing this once again.I pray I can handle it.
OK Mark has come home and we have had our discussion. He can read me like a book! He came home and told me he ran the most incredible AA meeting ever and hat people were really inspired. He shared that he talked a lot about honesty and living a good life and as he was talking he asked me what was wrong. The guidance I prayed for was there. I told him what was on my mind and we had an honest non-confrontational discussion. It still makes me a bit wary when we have these kinds of talks but they are much better than a year ago.
Mark reminded me of today's Hazelden, which is below....He also remarked that our conversation about money was handled according to the words in this reading-principles above people. He then reminded me that he needs to blog today-you see I am powerless over people places and things...BUT I CAN ASK FOR GUIDANCE AND PRAY....It really does work!
Today's Hazelden:
Where am I today? I have really solid program that helps me in all my affairs. It does not make my life perfect but it makes it manageable. I am still nervous about finances and frustrated at my inablitiy to get hired for jobs...But I do believe there is a plan and hte right thing will happen..Gods watch is on a completely different time zone than mine and VERY slow. BUT I feel God more and more each day.
Last year at this time I was working as a recruiter and HATED it! I did not like the person I worked for AND I was so overwhelmed with the chaous of alcoholism that I could not think straight. Mark was living in the Hamptons and DRUNK most of the time. Our son was in turmoil needing me so and so sad about not having a dad who could be there for him. Last year at this time I remember getting drunk and abusive phone calls and I remember Mark telling us he was an extra in SPiderman 3 always sounding drunk...I remember the house getting broken into and valuable things special to me stolen and the only suspect being mark-I have no idea why I put up with this behaviour other than to say that I too was very sick....I never want to go back to those days ever.
Today- we do everything as a family. Mark comes to school functions, he leads AA meetings and is devoted to his program, our son is happy and has a daddy who is there for him with a clear head and so much more. Mark and I are working together to rebuild the trust that has been shattered by alcoholism and things are getting better..I feel blessed for this.
There is still a lot of mistrust and wreckage of the past to clean up...ALl is happening slowly. A lot of it revolves around money,..I pray it gets straightened out. In fact there are some major issues I need to discuss with mark as soon as he returns from his meeting and I am dreading teh discussion. I think his voice will raise above a normal tone and he will flail about and nothing will get resolved...I am praying for guidance as I write this and praying that I say things in a way that Mark hears and responds appropriately to, not with anger and stupidity. . I have tremendous anxiety and anger as mark has a history of lying to me about money and I fear he is doing this once again.I pray I can handle it.
OK Mark has come home and we have had our discussion. He can read me like a book! He came home and told me he ran the most incredible AA meeting ever and hat people were really inspired. He shared that he talked a lot about honesty and living a good life and as he was talking he asked me what was wrong. The guidance I prayed for was there. I told him what was on my mind and we had an honest non-confrontational discussion. It still makes me a bit wary when we have these kinds of talks but they are much better than a year ago.
Mark reminded me of today's Hazelden, which is below....He also remarked that our conversation about money was handled according to the words in this reading-principles above people. He then reminded me that he needs to blog today-you see I am powerless over people places and things...BUT I CAN ASK FOR GUIDANCE AND PRAY....It really does work!
Today's Hazelden:
"Today's thought from Hazelden is: The best outcome is just and
equitable.Principle over Personality -
Looking ahead to this day, I may face a possible conflict with another
person over a certain issue. How should I respond to this?If I'm to follow my principles, I should hold to the idea of seeking the best outcome for everybody concerned.
It may be very harmful to look at these conflicts as a case of
winning or losing. If I seem to win when I'm wrong, I will lose in the long run.
If I seem to lose even when I'm right, I can know that there's a just resolution
of everything in time. I will always win, however, if I keep my thinking
straight and take care to avoid resentment and bitterness.It's not
surprising that the world is beset by conflicts.Millions of people have conditioned themselves to selfish ways of thinking and behaving that are bound to cause such conflicts. Much harm is done by people who are absolutely sure they are right at all times.
As human beings, we cannot expect to be excluded from these conflicts
simply because we have a Twelve Step program. We do, however, have a means of
dealing with such conflicts effectively when we respond according to principle.
This makes us privileged people, in a way, but it is good to know that any
person can have the same privileges by following the right principles.Unpleasant
as any conflict may seem, it does give me an opportunity to learn and to grow. I
will seek to benefit from any such conflict today."
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Communication and THINK-Strategies for Dealing with Toxic People
I receive a monthly email newsletter from Dr. Dale Atkins called Sanity Savers. This month's topic spoke directly to an issue I am wrestling with "words and the thoughts behind those words".
In the newsletter Dr. Atkins states " We all respond differently to what is acceptable and unacceptable, offensive and stupid. But what would happen if we just thought more before we spoke? If we really considered the effects of our words on others, as well as how those words reflect on us, we might think differently about what we say. Much of what we say is mindless. Much of what we say is critical or negative. Try to stop talking and listen to your thoughts. You can discover clarity in silence. Creating and Fostering a Healthy Socio-Emotional Environment encourages you to pay close attention to what you say and develop a sense of competency in your social relationships." Dr. Atkins also defines the phrase " Social competency" as recognizing someone else's need as well as asserting your own need and accepting that when you are engaged with another person you accept responsibility for your actions. " According to Dr. Atkins people who are socially competent have a healthy sense of self and choose appropriate social, communication and problem solving skills, and avoid making another person feel diminished in any way. "
WELL I believe anyone who has lived through addiction and working a program of recovery wrestles with this topic.
I know in my recovery that I have had to look long and hard at my "social competency". While I lived in the illusion that I was outgoing and likeable and a good communicator I came to realize in my recovery that I was noto a good communicater and not really likeable in the state I was in as I lived in chaos and had no healthy sense of myself. I grew up in a dysfunctional family where there was a lot of yelling and sreaming and name calling-many of those family members are still like this...I was the youngest by many years and as I think through my past it is now very clear to me that I was a human doing andnot a human being..I had no sense of myslef....I was a baby in every sense of the word and I expected others around me to rescue me and take care of me...The concept of thinking about how my actions might affect others was anathema to me. I never intentionally hurt others but I just didn't think. I did not attract the best around me and now in my recovery know that I am capable of so very much more. I regret all the years I feel I wasted but theya are in the past and I have a lot to look forward to in the present.
I think about how I handle things today and realize the wisdom that I learned in the Alanon blue book is incredible. IN that book there are several readings that relate to this issue...If you can get hold of or have the Alanon Blue book (not the AA book) you can read the slogans and the chapter on communication. ALl of this is clearly laid out there.
I am one day at at time becoming more and more comfortable in my own skin and with listening to my inner voice..As a result my social competency is vastly improving....as is my husband's.
My alanon recovery has taught me to not react to people sometimes - especially if they say stupid things that are hurtful or that I don't agree with...I have learned to ask myself first How important is it and if it really is not that important I have learned to let it go....Question about this is "In practicing this new behavior of not reacting to everything, at what point does one become a 'doormat'." For me I think this answer will become clearer as I become more and more self reliant and self confident everyday
Here are some examples: I work part time with someone who I find very judgemental. She tends to put me down all the time. The other day she asked me if I noticed that a new cleaning person started in the office who rearranges peoples desks and empties coffee cups. I responded by saying I did not notice, but how wonderful it is that the new person takes pride in their job. SHe got really snappy when I said this as she understood me to be saying that "those people" don't take pride in their jobs and said that I come up with bizarre statements.....I was really hurt by her response, and frankly a bit angry....However, instead of expressing how I felt (which would probably be confrontational), I cowered and said, I am sorry what I said offfended you. Another situation happened recently at an alanon meeting when it was time to vote for new program chairs. I am unable to commit to chairing a meeting a this time but told one of the people who was reluctantly offering service that if she won and needed a subsititute I would be happy to fill in. Her reponse was "there are no winners". It was a very harsh response and hurtful..In both of these situations I realized that it really did not matter ("How important is it") so why bother engaging. But I wonder if I could have been a bit stronger in my response. This is me chartering new waters with new behaviors I have learned over the past year-practicing the 12 step principles in all my affairs. As I become more comfortable and more confident, perhaps I will find better responses.
THINK before you speak THINK stands for is it THOUGHTFUL, is it HONEST, is it INTELLIGENT, is it NECESSARY, is it KIND. If it is not, it is best left unsaid....I try to apply this to what I say and to others to those who say things that hurt me. I am learning to ignore what they say if it is not based on the think principle. AND today I taught this principle to our 8 year old son who has been talking back to me lately...I sat him down and shared the THINK concept with him..It was like a lightbulb going off....I wish it did not take 40 years for me to learn this. A lot of pain could have been avoided.
Person at work-to react or not to react
my sister-therapy, meeeings, just because she needs it does not mean I do...listen to my inner voice
my husband when he rages-deal with it.
In the newsletter Dr. Atkins states " We all respond differently to what is acceptable and unacceptable, offensive and stupid. But what would happen if we just thought more before we spoke? If we really considered the effects of our words on others, as well as how those words reflect on us, we might think differently about what we say. Much of what we say is mindless. Much of what we say is critical or negative. Try to stop talking and listen to your thoughts. You can discover clarity in silence. Creating and Fostering a Healthy Socio-Emotional Environment encourages you to pay close attention to what you say and develop a sense of competency in your social relationships." Dr. Atkins also defines the phrase " Social competency" as recognizing someone else's need as well as asserting your own need and accepting that when you are engaged with another person you accept responsibility for your actions. " According to Dr. Atkins people who are socially competent have a healthy sense of self and choose appropriate social, communication and problem solving skills, and avoid making another person feel diminished in any way. "
WELL I believe anyone who has lived through addiction and working a program of recovery wrestles with this topic.
I know in my recovery that I have had to look long and hard at my "social competency". While I lived in the illusion that I was outgoing and likeable and a good communicator I came to realize in my recovery that I was noto a good communicater and not really likeable in the state I was in as I lived in chaos and had no healthy sense of myself. I grew up in a dysfunctional family where there was a lot of yelling and sreaming and name calling-many of those family members are still like this...I was the youngest by many years and as I think through my past it is now very clear to me that I was a human doing andnot a human being..I had no sense of myslef....I was a baby in every sense of the word and I expected others around me to rescue me and take care of me...The concept of thinking about how my actions might affect others was anathema to me. I never intentionally hurt others but I just didn't think. I did not attract the best around me and now in my recovery know that I am capable of so very much more. I regret all the years I feel I wasted but theya are in the past and I have a lot to look forward to in the present.
I think about how I handle things today and realize the wisdom that I learned in the Alanon blue book is incredible. IN that book there are several readings that relate to this issue...If you can get hold of or have the Alanon Blue book (not the AA book) you can read the slogans and the chapter on communication. ALl of this is clearly laid out there.
I am one day at at time becoming more and more comfortable in my own skin and with listening to my inner voice..As a result my social competency is vastly improving....as is my husband's.
My alanon recovery has taught me to not react to people sometimes - especially if they say stupid things that are hurtful or that I don't agree with...I have learned to ask myself first How important is it and if it really is not that important I have learned to let it go....Question about this is "In practicing this new behavior of not reacting to everything, at what point does one become a 'doormat'." For me I think this answer will become clearer as I become more and more self reliant and self confident everyday
Here are some examples: I work part time with someone who I find very judgemental. She tends to put me down all the time. The other day she asked me if I noticed that a new cleaning person started in the office who rearranges peoples desks and empties coffee cups. I responded by saying I did not notice, but how wonderful it is that the new person takes pride in their job. SHe got really snappy when I said this as she understood me to be saying that "those people" don't take pride in their jobs and said that I come up with bizarre statements.....I was really hurt by her response, and frankly a bit angry....However, instead of expressing how I felt (which would probably be confrontational), I cowered and said, I am sorry what I said offfended you. Another situation happened recently at an alanon meeting when it was time to vote for new program chairs. I am unable to commit to chairing a meeting a this time but told one of the people who was reluctantly offering service that if she won and needed a subsititute I would be happy to fill in. Her reponse was "there are no winners". It was a very harsh response and hurtful..In both of these situations I realized that it really did not matter ("How important is it") so why bother engaging. But I wonder if I could have been a bit stronger in my response. This is me chartering new waters with new behaviors I have learned over the past year-practicing the 12 step principles in all my affairs. As I become more comfortable and more confident, perhaps I will find better responses.
THINK before you speak THINK stands for is it THOUGHTFUL, is it HONEST, is it INTELLIGENT, is it NECESSARY, is it KIND. If it is not, it is best left unsaid....I try to apply this to what I say and to others to those who say things that hurt me. I am learning to ignore what they say if it is not based on the think principle. AND today I taught this principle to our 8 year old son who has been talking back to me lately...I sat him down and shared the THINK concept with him..It was like a lightbulb going off....I wish it did not take 40 years for me to learn this. A lot of pain could have been avoided.
Person at work-to react or not to react
my sister-therapy, meeeings, just because she needs it does not mean I do...listen to my inner voice
my husband when he rages-deal with it.
Monday, April 30, 2007
PRAYERS PLEASE
From Hunter:
To all my friends who are participating in this journey with us, please send love and prayers today. Recovery is a continuous roller coaster. I am very sad today and need to find a job. Mark is in a bad way today. I am not worried about him drinking. It is just his anger that I can not handle today. He is raging and screaming...I can't handle his anger and I can't handle being a whipping post. It is not all about him. I can't handle screaming and raging...that is where things are today... I know it will pass and I am grateful to have strong program behind me that helps me to not react and to understand that his anger is toward him and not me...Please pray for us....
Afternoon update: My son and I prayed this morning and my son is amazing...He prayed for God to guide his dad and to help his dad know that the next right thing to do is..He prayed for guidance and for love and then told me to give dad a big hug when he came home as that is what he needed.....The kid was right.....and things did get a bit better.
I also, when things were calmer, reminded Mark that no matter how bad things seem they were much worse a year ago.....Even if they are just a tiny bit better, that is a tiny bit better than a year ago......Small things...baby steps....good to be reminded.
To all my friends who are participating in this journey with us, please send love and prayers today. Recovery is a continuous roller coaster. I am very sad today and need to find a job. Mark is in a bad way today. I am not worried about him drinking. It is just his anger that I can not handle today. He is raging and screaming...I can't handle his anger and I can't handle being a whipping post. It is not all about him. I can't handle screaming and raging...that is where things are today... I know it will pass and I am grateful to have strong program behind me that helps me to not react and to understand that his anger is toward him and not me...Please pray for us....
Afternoon update: My son and I prayed this morning and my son is amazing...He prayed for God to guide his dad and to help his dad know that the next right thing to do is..He prayed for guidance and for love and then told me to give dad a big hug when he came home as that is what he needed.....The kid was right.....and things did get a bit better.
I also, when things were calmer, reminded Mark that no matter how bad things seem they were much worse a year ago.....Even if they are just a tiny bit better, that is a tiny bit better than a year ago......Small things...baby steps....good to be reminded.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
LISTENING TO OUR INNER VOICE..AND TAKING AWAY THE CAR KEYS
Post from Hunter:
I am OK today. A co-worker of mine who did exactly the same job as me was offered an amazing full time opportunity at the company I currently work at doing a job that I would be great at. I am sad about this, especially as I really need the money. BUT I have wonderful 12 step recovery. I processed my feelings and my anger, including feeling like a total and complete LOSER! It is really hard not to be self deprecating and get down but more important is that I acknowledged my feelings and remembered that feelings are not facts and that I am not the first well qualified person to get passed over for an opportunity. I felt God's hands embracing me and letting me know that this was just not the right opportunity. I really like the person whom they offered the job to and frankly he deserves it. It probably was not the right opportunity for me, I may not be ready for that kind of opportunity , my personality and appearance probably would not have worked with the team involved in it and there probably is something better for me in the offing...I am so desperate for work that I think I should be offered everything....Most good things happen to those who wait and usually not to desperate people...And for me God has always made me wait longer than most. While I am upset, I am happy for my male colleague...Notice that a man was offered this job and as I think through the company I work at men have the top jobs and women have the support jobs....Glass ceiling has not gone away! But my recovery teaches me that there is a plan and I trust it. I know that I am giving my best everyday. That is all I can do..and as my sponsor would say NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have not been to many Alanon meetings lately but after this experience I thought it would be a good idea to go and share my recovery with others and listen...I don't feel the need to go to a lot of meetings and I know that is OK. Many would give different advice, including my sister, who is a therapist and in recovery for 20years. She calls me once in a blue moon and is really not a big part of my life...Last night was one of those periodic calls and it concluded with a lecture to me about not going to meetings...Recovery is the ability to let someone talk and acknowledge that you have heard them and if you do not agree don't engage simply say thank you...It took so long for me to learn this..BUT this behavior really does work. I am today emotionally healthy and I know that my inner voice is the only one I need listen to. This voice helps me to always do the next right thing and it helps me to learn to keep my mouth shut at times when I did not in the past. I always get into trouble when I do not listen to this voice.
I have been helping others recently who have posted on various alcoholism websites...I am struck by the postings from people whose alcoholic loved ones are driving cars and they are doing nothing about it. There was no metaphor intended by using the word struck but it is interesting.
ANYONE WHO KNOWINGLY ALLOWS SOMEONE TO DRIVE DRUNK IS JUST AS GUILTY AS THE DRUNK DRIVER. PLEASE IF YOU ARE READING THIS AND YOU ARE IN THIS SITUATION STOP THE PERSON FROM DRIVING NOW, BEFORE SOMEONE'S BLOOD IS ON YOUR HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was in this situation during Mark's years of drinking and like most people who become crazy because of someone's alcoholism I was in denial.
When I think back on all the years I was in a car with him when he was driving drunk and all the times he drove our child in the car without me, or with me, and he was drunk, I realize how lucky we are as a family that nothing ever happened AND how increbibly sick and stupid I was for allowing this.....Note I credit good luck with nothing happening as it was far from sound judgement.
It was about a year ago today that I finally had the car keys taken away from Mark. I was unable to do this on my own-I was so very sick in the head and overwhelmed from the madness and chaos created by alcoholism in the home and by my denial and inability to accept the situation and do the next right thing. I remember being outside in a screaming match with my drunk husband and begging him not to get into the car. I remember calling my alanon sponsor to help me-she is an angel and I owe much of my recovery to her loving, kind and gentle guidance. She has never let me down or failed me and I am so lucky to have her in my life. My sponsor explained to me that I could lose everything by allowing him to drive...If he hurt or killed someone in an accident I would be liable and that I could lose my house and everything, especially since the cars are registered in my name! She told me that I would be just as guilty as my husband if anything happened and urged me to call the police to handle the matter since I was clearly in no frame of mind mentally to do the right thing....On that day my sponsor was my inner voice and I listened to EVERYTHING she said. I called the police and they were in our driveway within 5 minutes....What a horrible experience to have gone through but how right this decision was. As it turned out my husband's ability to get a license was under suspension from other traffic violations, he was visibly intoxicated and the police "guarded" our street for 24 hours to make sure he was not driving.... We bought him a bike and for 10 months he did not drive a car. He managed to continue drinking and driving but the driving was on a bike and therefore more of a danger to himself than anyone else.
PLEASE if you are reading this and are allowing an alcoholic you love to drive drunk stop it now and either take the keys away or get help taking them away before something horrible happens..Do not rely on luck..I was a very stupid woman for doing this and I am lucky nothing ever happened.!
TODAY..I am so grateful for Mark's recovery and for mine. I am not sure I would have the peace and joy I have today without Mark's sobriety and commitment to AA. I really love and need him very much and as I do not have a very close extended family, my dad is dead, and my mom no longer knows who I am because of her Alzheimer's I am so alone without him. We are helping each other grow as we both recover and it is a wonderful experience. I credit our recovery again with good luck as well as divine intervention and hard work.
So many things in our life are difficult at present I am grateful that God has given us the chance to grow together again as a family and experience all the joys as a result...Not everyone in an alcoholic situation is this lucky...BUT all can find the best "next right thing"and move forward. Learning to find our inner voice and to listen to it is key to recovery....Mine is telling me today to be grateful to to get off the computer now and get some exercise....
I am OK today. A co-worker of mine who did exactly the same job as me was offered an amazing full time opportunity at the company I currently work at doing a job that I would be great at. I am sad about this, especially as I really need the money. BUT I have wonderful 12 step recovery. I processed my feelings and my anger, including feeling like a total and complete LOSER! It is really hard not to be self deprecating and get down but more important is that I acknowledged my feelings and remembered that feelings are not facts and that I am not the first well qualified person to get passed over for an opportunity. I felt God's hands embracing me and letting me know that this was just not the right opportunity. I really like the person whom they offered the job to and frankly he deserves it. It probably was not the right opportunity for me, I may not be ready for that kind of opportunity , my personality and appearance probably would not have worked with the team involved in it and there probably is something better for me in the offing...I am so desperate for work that I think I should be offered everything....Most good things happen to those who wait and usually not to desperate people...And for me God has always made me wait longer than most. While I am upset, I am happy for my male colleague...Notice that a man was offered this job and as I think through the company I work at men have the top jobs and women have the support jobs....Glass ceiling has not gone away! But my recovery teaches me that there is a plan and I trust it. I know that I am giving my best everyday. That is all I can do..and as my sponsor would say NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have not been to many Alanon meetings lately but after this experience I thought it would be a good idea to go and share my recovery with others and listen...I don't feel the need to go to a lot of meetings and I know that is OK. Many would give different advice, including my sister, who is a therapist and in recovery for 20years. She calls me once in a blue moon and is really not a big part of my life...Last night was one of those periodic calls and it concluded with a lecture to me about not going to meetings...Recovery is the ability to let someone talk and acknowledge that you have heard them and if you do not agree don't engage simply say thank you...It took so long for me to learn this..BUT this behavior really does work. I am today emotionally healthy and I know that my inner voice is the only one I need listen to. This voice helps me to always do the next right thing and it helps me to learn to keep my mouth shut at times when I did not in the past. I always get into trouble when I do not listen to this voice.
I have been helping others recently who have posted on various alcoholism websites...I am struck by the postings from people whose alcoholic loved ones are driving cars and they are doing nothing about it. There was no metaphor intended by using the word struck but it is interesting.
ANYONE WHO KNOWINGLY ALLOWS SOMEONE TO DRIVE DRUNK IS JUST AS GUILTY AS THE DRUNK DRIVER. PLEASE IF YOU ARE READING THIS AND YOU ARE IN THIS SITUATION STOP THE PERSON FROM DRIVING NOW, BEFORE SOMEONE'S BLOOD IS ON YOUR HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was in this situation during Mark's years of drinking and like most people who become crazy because of someone's alcoholism I was in denial.
When I think back on all the years I was in a car with him when he was driving drunk and all the times he drove our child in the car without me, or with me, and he was drunk, I realize how lucky we are as a family that nothing ever happened AND how increbibly sick and stupid I was for allowing this.....Note I credit good luck with nothing happening as it was far from sound judgement.
It was about a year ago today that I finally had the car keys taken away from Mark. I was unable to do this on my own-I was so very sick in the head and overwhelmed from the madness and chaos created by alcoholism in the home and by my denial and inability to accept the situation and do the next right thing. I remember being outside in a screaming match with my drunk husband and begging him not to get into the car. I remember calling my alanon sponsor to help me-she is an angel and I owe much of my recovery to her loving, kind and gentle guidance. She has never let me down or failed me and I am so lucky to have her in my life. My sponsor explained to me that I could lose everything by allowing him to drive...If he hurt or killed someone in an accident I would be liable and that I could lose my house and everything, especially since the cars are registered in my name! She told me that I would be just as guilty as my husband if anything happened and urged me to call the police to handle the matter since I was clearly in no frame of mind mentally to do the right thing....On that day my sponsor was my inner voice and I listened to EVERYTHING she said. I called the police and they were in our driveway within 5 minutes....What a horrible experience to have gone through but how right this decision was. As it turned out my husband's ability to get a license was under suspension from other traffic violations, he was visibly intoxicated and the police "guarded" our street for 24 hours to make sure he was not driving.... We bought him a bike and for 10 months he did not drive a car. He managed to continue drinking and driving but the driving was on a bike and therefore more of a danger to himself than anyone else.
PLEASE if you are reading this and are allowing an alcoholic you love to drive drunk stop it now and either take the keys away or get help taking them away before something horrible happens..Do not rely on luck..I was a very stupid woman for doing this and I am lucky nothing ever happened.!
TODAY..I am so grateful for Mark's recovery and for mine. I am not sure I would have the peace and joy I have today without Mark's sobriety and commitment to AA. I really love and need him very much and as I do not have a very close extended family, my dad is dead, and my mom no longer knows who I am because of her Alzheimer's I am so alone without him. We are helping each other grow as we both recover and it is a wonderful experience. I credit our recovery again with good luck as well as divine intervention and hard work.
So many things in our life are difficult at present I am grateful that God has given us the chance to grow together again as a family and experience all the joys as a result...Not everyone in an alcoholic situation is this lucky...BUT all can find the best "next right thing"and move forward. Learning to find our inner voice and to listen to it is key to recovery....Mine is telling me today to be grateful to to get off the computer now and get some exercise....
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