Friday, March 30, 2007
then next 90 days
We are in the second phase of the first year of recovery. Things really are getting better one day at a time and each day is better. I am still worried about financial security and struggling to get work. I have an interview to sell home heating services today....a far cry from running a dynamic event services company...but local, fairly stress free, and enough in salary to pay some of my bills and not lose my home! This is a good thing. Mark is supposedly starting a great new job and is going to NY today to hopefully get some closure on this opportunity. I would love it if it panned out for many reasons..most of all because it will help me breath a little easier and make a better life for our son and family.....and it would be great for Mark.. I do see that things happen in Gods time and that it is the right, but often painful, thing. Mark had to put his sobriety above all else before he could truly take on a good job and be responsible. Now that his is over the first 90 days and proving to himself daily that recovery on a daily basis is important he is ready...I believe God, or the forces of the universe, have made this happen....and I pray today is a good day and that as a family we move closer to financial stability today.....While health and sobriety are more important when it comes to life...it is time to stop having bad credit, getting help from social services, and losing assets and time to start contributing our potential to eh world and being the leaders we are and also time to being having enough security financially to be able to donate money to others in need and help others in the way we have been helped...This is my prayer for the next 90 days of recovery..that we turn our financial situation around and move in a positive direction....Off to take Mark to the train...I pray the forces of the universe are with us in a positive way helping us to be the best we can be today.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
The journey continues
I have a good feeling abvout life today . My AA program is starting to realy kick in. I have had a battle earlier in the week with my denial and believeing I am not a full blown alcoholic which of course I am .
I had two questioning days about should I continue to go and I should know better this thing is saving my life and all other things around me slowly improve.
I guess we all get disalusioned once in a while I think it helps us apreciate the program and gets me to remember how bad I really was!
I had two questioning days about should I continue to go and I should know better this thing is saving my life and all other things around me slowly improve.
I guess we all get disalusioned once in a while I think it helps us apreciate the program and gets me to remember how bad I really was!
MOVING FORWARD
Last few days have not been great but today I got a message and a feeling that all will be fine. Mark and I have been fighting every morning for past few days and we finally talked it out...this is what happens with increasing frequency in sobriety-thank GOD!
My work situation is really frustrating. To have managed a company and business for over 15 years and now only be allowed to do telemarketing and look up phone numbers for staff people is really frustrating and frankly a waste of my talent. My job search is very much like sales thousands of calls to get one good opportunity.....That opportunity has not yet appeared.....
I will approach today's unpleasant task at work with a positive attitude....In fact today's Hazelden Thought for the Day sums it up:
from www.todaysgift@hazelden.org
" You grow up the first day you have the first real laugh - at yourself.--Ethel Barrymore
Infants chuckle and gurgle and find the world amusing, but apparently they rarely laugh at themselves. Perhaps that's because they're still very much the lord and master of their world. Even when they see themselves in the mirror, tots are more likely to find themselves incredible than hilarious.As we grow wiser we gain a sense of proportion about ourselves and our position in the universe. Just as the earth is not the center of the solar system, so we are just one of billions of people on our planet.Can we smile at ourselves? Or are we always guarding our dignity or feeling fragile and vulnerable? A sense of humor means the ability to enjoy human foibles, even at our own expense. Having this kind of humor helps us to put others - and especially ourselves in relation to others - in perspective. Perhaps it is only when we've had a good laugh at ourselves for our imperfections that we can really begin to gain in stature. By keeping our importance in perspective, we learn to grow.I can enjoy a good laugh - and will allow myself the freedom of a sense of humor, especially about myself. "
So what is the sense of humor in my day and my work today? I am struggling with this one and all I can come up with is the absurdity of the situation. I will see those around me at work as clowns and look for the message in the madness.
What else will I do today? Be grateful for the sobriety in our home and the new life we are beginning. Be grateful for our beautiful healthy sun who is shining more and more each day as a result of the sobriety and peace in our home and be happy for the little things.
My work situation is really frustrating. To have managed a company and business for over 15 years and now only be allowed to do telemarketing and look up phone numbers for staff people is really frustrating and frankly a waste of my talent. My job search is very much like sales thousands of calls to get one good opportunity.....That opportunity has not yet appeared.....
I will approach today's unpleasant task at work with a positive attitude....In fact today's Hazelden Thought for the Day sums it up:
from www.todaysgift@hazelden.org
" You grow up the first day you have the first real laugh - at yourself.--Ethel Barrymore
Infants chuckle and gurgle and find the world amusing, but apparently they rarely laugh at themselves. Perhaps that's because they're still very much the lord and master of their world. Even when they see themselves in the mirror, tots are more likely to find themselves incredible than hilarious.As we grow wiser we gain a sense of proportion about ourselves and our position in the universe. Just as the earth is not the center of the solar system, so we are just one of billions of people on our planet.Can we smile at ourselves? Or are we always guarding our dignity or feeling fragile and vulnerable? A sense of humor means the ability to enjoy human foibles, even at our own expense. Having this kind of humor helps us to put others - and especially ourselves in relation to others - in perspective. Perhaps it is only when we've had a good laugh at ourselves for our imperfections that we can really begin to gain in stature. By keeping our importance in perspective, we learn to grow.I can enjoy a good laugh - and will allow myself the freedom of a sense of humor, especially about myself. "
So what is the sense of humor in my day and my work today? I am struggling with this one and all I can come up with is the absurdity of the situation. I will see those around me at work as clowns and look for the message in the madness.
What else will I do today? Be grateful for the sobriety in our home and the new life we are beginning. Be grateful for our beautiful healthy sun who is shining more and more each day as a result of the sobriety and peace in our home and be happy for the little things.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
dont quit
I am not in the mood to do this but I do want to make a few notes . I have had a bad few days questioning recovery and AA .
It really is crazy AA is saving my life and I am questioning it? . I today am enjoying some higher power moments. I wanted to leave a few meetings and have shared my resentments etc . I am now back on track and fully active in my AA program,tomorrow I will speak at a huge AA meeting in my home town ,this I am sure will give me great confidence in my recovery the truth is it really helps to speak to people that all have the same thing in common .
Were all equal in the rooms of AA so it should be fun I will let you know . I will basically cover my upbringing my time in Europe the USA Russia Spain and back to the USA the most important part is to share my experience strength and hope and if I can help another alcoholic just one stay sober for the day it was all worth it.
My wife continues to struggle with me but remains very supportive in most areas frankly I COULD NOT ASK FOR ANY MORE. My son is doing well we had good weather today and I was able to do some baseball practise with him and he kept telling me how great it was that I was a sober dad and to be honest it did feel great.
My story tomorrow will cover my progression my denial and my alcoholism I will try and stay focused on recovery to carry the message .
I am still struggling with life on life's terms but I am a little calmer than when drinking I continue to pound meetings as many as I need I must go to meetings with the same effort that I put into my drinking then I really have a true chance of full recovery.
I hope that my daughters are OK I am trying to build a relationship with them which is very difficult when I am 5,000 miles away and I do know this will take a great deal of time it will not be on my time but on gods.
I continue to pray every night and ask for God's will to be done not mine I hope to continue to build my spiritual side and I must learn patience , time is a great healer.
GOOD NIGHT .
MARK ALCOHOLIC.
It really is crazy AA is saving my life and I am questioning it? . I today am enjoying some higher power moments. I wanted to leave a few meetings and have shared my resentments etc . I am now back on track and fully active in my AA program,tomorrow I will speak at a huge AA meeting in my home town ,this I am sure will give me great confidence in my recovery the truth is it really helps to speak to people that all have the same thing in common .
Were all equal in the rooms of AA so it should be fun I will let you know . I will basically cover my upbringing my time in Europe the USA Russia Spain and back to the USA the most important part is to share my experience strength and hope and if I can help another alcoholic just one stay sober for the day it was all worth it.
My wife continues to struggle with me but remains very supportive in most areas frankly I COULD NOT ASK FOR ANY MORE. My son is doing well we had good weather today and I was able to do some baseball practise with him and he kept telling me how great it was that I was a sober dad and to be honest it did feel great.
My story tomorrow will cover my progression my denial and my alcoholism I will try and stay focused on recovery to carry the message .
I am still struggling with life on life's terms but I am a little calmer than when drinking I continue to pound meetings as many as I need I must go to meetings with the same effort that I put into my drinking then I really have a true chance of full recovery.
I hope that my daughters are OK I am trying to build a relationship with them which is very difficult when I am 5,000 miles away and I do know this will take a great deal of time it will not be on my time but on gods.
I continue to pray every night and ask for God's will to be done not mine I hope to continue to build my spiritual side and I must learn patience , time is a great healer.
GOOD NIGHT .
MARK ALCOHOLIC.
Monday, March 26, 2007
DOING THE NEXT RIGHT THING AND FOLLOWING YOUR INNER VOICE
HI-This post makes no sense without reading the previous post. Mark is so early in his recovery that he still is not able to deal with his European family. My gut was right in sending the lovely letter to his parents, his dad was very happy to hear good news and responded as follows. His first sentence describes what true recovery as a family feels like. It is a wonderful miracle that we are all grateful for everyday.
Dear Mark, Hunter, and Family,
I was very happy to receive your news. Mark is recovering, you seem calmer and your son is starting to fulfil his potential.
It also brought a tear to my eyes as I realised how much I miss seeing my grandson growing up.
Ask Mark to tell him about our sporting activities when they were young. Swimming on Sunday morning with Frank Anthony and Nigel, with football on the green afterwards. Walking to the swimming pool which was about four miles. We had great fun.
Then various sports on the Grange the large sports field behind our house in Peterborough. Football Cricket Dads versus lads we had a great time.
Mark's elder brother was an excellent runner and played Rugby,Mark was good at football and Cricket and Mark and his younger brother did canoeing,they travelled all over the country to find White Water.
We also went out most weekends as a family, usually to the seaside or a park and always ended up playing some kind of sport. I remember Mark's elder brother never liked being out at cricket and would sulk if he was not allowed to bowl straight away.
Now is the time to make the most of your wonderful town it has everything for a young family and should be enjoyed, When your son leaves home you will be a long time on your own so make the most of it now!!
We are going to Guernsey at the end of April for two weeks. Mum must have her annual check and we both need to see our Doctor. We will then return via Mark's elder brother's and spend a week there. We are both looking forward to it very much.
Scott is handling his problems really well, he has now had seven sessions of chemo therapy and although the side effects are nasty he seems to be dealing with it and is going to work three or four days a week.
Lots of Love,
Dad, Granddad.
PS We have seen a scan of the baby!!
I am so glad that I sent the letter and will continue to do so. Mark went to 4 AA meetings today. He has a horrible disease and I am proud of him doing whatever it takes to stay sober..He is 100 days today.
I had an interesting day too. As earlier posts have indicated I have been very frustrated at my inability to find full time work and frustrated at my part time job. Well, today I was asked to send my resume to a division manager at my company so that she could try to find an opening for me in a full time position. I waited until the end of the day to send her the information and frankly I think I surprised her when I went to her office to say thank you for thinking of me.....
This simple lesson of gratitude is one that I was taught growing up and one that I have had reinforced during my experience with addiction and recovery in my family. To this point I also thanked the rabbi and religious school teacher for a wonderful evening the other night and for all their hard work educating our kids...Amazing they both thanked me for thanking them and shared with me that few people acknowledge the good and instead focus on the things to complain about...Life is too short not to find the good. I guess this is the good that has come from our experience in addiction and the miracle of recovery. I pray we keep finding the good and that we experience continued good health.
Hunter
Dear Mark, Hunter, and Family,
I was very happy to receive your news. Mark is recovering, you seem calmer and your son is starting to fulfil his potential.
It also brought a tear to my eyes as I realised how much I miss seeing my grandson growing up.
Ask Mark to tell him about our sporting activities when they were young. Swimming on Sunday morning with Frank Anthony and Nigel, with football on the green afterwards. Walking to the swimming pool which was about four miles. We had great fun.
Then various sports on the Grange the large sports field behind our house in Peterborough. Football Cricket Dads versus lads we had a great time.
Mark's elder brother was an excellent runner and played Rugby,Mark was good at football and Cricket and Mark and his younger brother did canoeing,they travelled all over the country to find White Water.
We also went out most weekends as a family, usually to the seaside or a park and always ended up playing some kind of sport. I remember Mark's elder brother never liked being out at cricket and would sulk if he was not allowed to bowl straight away.
Now is the time to make the most of your wonderful town it has everything for a young family and should be enjoyed, When your son leaves home you will be a long time on your own so make the most of it now!!
We are going to Guernsey at the end of April for two weeks. Mum must have her annual check and we both need to see our Doctor. We will then return via Mark's elder brother's and spend a week there. We are both looking forward to it very much.
Scott is handling his problems really well, he has now had seven sessions of chemo therapy and although the side effects are nasty he seems to be dealing with it and is going to work three or four days a week.
Lots of Love,
Dad, Granddad.
PS We have seen a scan of the baby!!
I am so glad that I sent the letter and will continue to do so. Mark went to 4 AA meetings today. He has a horrible disease and I am proud of him doing whatever it takes to stay sober..He is 100 days today.
I had an interesting day too. As earlier posts have indicated I have been very frustrated at my inability to find full time work and frustrated at my part time job. Well, today I was asked to send my resume to a division manager at my company so that she could try to find an opening for me in a full time position. I waited until the end of the day to send her the information and frankly I think I surprised her when I went to her office to say thank you for thinking of me.....
This simple lesson of gratitude is one that I was taught growing up and one that I have had reinforced during my experience with addiction and recovery in my family. To this point I also thanked the rabbi and religious school teacher for a wonderful evening the other night and for all their hard work educating our kids...Amazing they both thanked me for thanking them and shared with me that few people acknowledge the good and instead focus on the things to complain about...Life is too short not to find the good. I guess this is the good that has come from our experience in addiction and the miracle of recovery. I pray we keep finding the good and that we experience continued good health.
Hunter
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