Hello from Hunter-
Yesterday we went to a party together. This is the first party mark has gone to since he has been sober...usually I do things alone. There was a lot of alcohol readily available. He did not slip and he had a good time. I also did not worry about him slipping. It was terrific.
The party was hosted by an Alanon friend of mine and there were a lot of people there whom I knew from meetings I went to a long time ago. It was good to see them, and since all of them met me when things were at their worst, it was great to share with them my progress as a person and our family as as a sober together unit.
I am filled with gratitude this week for the wonderful town I am still fortunate enough to live in. Our son is in a wonderful camp for the summer on full scholarship-this camp includes ocean study, golf, tennis, swimming, and other sports...he is a lucky boy and we are lucky to be the recipients of this gift of kindness. The town has also arranged for passes for us to the beach fireworks next week which are always awesome...and our home is filled with fresh food weekly. In addition our entire family is on the state insurance program-and we are getting incredibly good care. My knee has been hurting a lot lately-yesterday with no referral necessary I called a doctor and was seen immediately....I can not always say the state program has been this good but I notice a marked improvement lately. Our son has an appointment with a real pediatrician-not a clinic where he has had to go before, and I am looking forward to bringing him there-in the past I have avoided the horrible clinics and only taken him to emergency rooms...
We have no money or savings today and can not find work, but I am grateful that the system really does work for families in need. I wonder if I am experiencing this because my attitude is different meaning I am grateful, humble, and do not expect things. In the past I have been embarrassed, angry, and in denial of my situation...others in this situation behave like it is an entitlement. Doctors and others are shocked when I express my gratitude and thanks-it is not something they hear often. I know for a fact attitude makes a difference.
I have approached the town to endorse a job scholarship program I would like to put together. Due to legalities they can not endorse it but I am going to move forward with it anyway. The concept is simple. Internships are offered to students who are looking to get into the work world. Why not offer internships, or "back to work" scholarships for people in our town who have had setbacks in life and need a fresh start-this can be people who have had addiction and recovery in their families, divorce, or other problems and are having a hard time getting back on track..You see the job boards are useless and it truly is networking that gets people back in the loop. Networking is really difficult when there have been so many other problems and if a person his humble enough to ask for support services in our town, then there should be a program like this. I am going to start working on this next week and will blog about my progress.
God's time is slower than ours but God really does hear our prayers when they come from a place of humility. God has brought sobriety into our home, and this is what I wanted so very much. I did not want to get divorced and I wanted to experience the good in my husband...Yes I could have married someone who was less complicated, not suffered the financial problems, had a close extended family, perhaps even had another child which I would have loved....but I didn't. And today I can say I am happy with the man I am with and the wonderful person he is becoming each day he continues to get more and more sober....I have more than I could have ever dreamed of as a result.....as for the money...I know it will come...I am smart, he is smart, and as we become more and more humble each day we attract good energy and people....people want what we have and want us around....it will all work out...and it will be great.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
THE BALD EAGLE IS IN RECOVERY!!!!!!
Hello from Hunter-
Today's Associated Press Headline states "The American bald eagle, a national symbol once almost wiped out by hunters and DDT poisoning, has not only survived but is thriving". Mark is bald and often our son and I call him the "bald eagle". I found this headline analogous to our life in recovery. We have survived and we are on the road to thriving...although that road is really rocky-especially financially.
The article refers to the eagle population's "bottom" in 1963. Our bottom as a family was December 2006! However, our battle with this horrible disease truly started 7 years ago. Our program and desire to change started 3 years ago-me starting in alanon 3 years ago and mark in AA 2 years ago. So if our full recovery is to be analogous to the Bald Eagle's it will take 44 years from the start to make a come back. This means that we will be near death and in our early 80's before full recovery!!!!! If I use the timing for recovery from when DDT was banned (1972 and slow recovery began) and liken that to when the drinking stopped the time frame would be 35 years for full recovery of the bald eagle, meaning that full recovery for us will be when we are in our early 70's!" I can also take off 10 years, as the bald eagle has appeared to be in full recovery for the past 10 years and that would make our full recovery possible in our early 60's! And slow recovery has started this year and things get better each day.That actually seems about right. It is a long road.
But each day we practice gratitude and attitude! Today I am strong and can get through anything. In my current situation most people would be falling apart. I have been laid off my part time job for the summer and there is no unemployment compensation. I am treated like a slave by my boss when I am there. Mark and I are both having a hard time finding work and the house is in foreclosure and our current income is below the federal poverty level. I have applied for welfare and have not help from my family, many of whom are very very wealthy!!!! I have a lot of faith and I know that I will get through this.
What is different today? There is no active drinking is the primary factor. Also, my attitude is different. I have stopped being a victim, I have learned humility, I continue to focus on me and grow as a person....My husband does the same...There are many many problems and challenges but we are talking, we are calmer, we are together, our son is happy, and we are no longer in denial-for the most part. We are thankful for the things we have, we are not jealous of others, we are not "poor me", we are courageous and determined.. We have full of experience, strength and hope, and we pray everyday for guidance.
John Kostyack of the National Wildlife Federation, called the eagle resurgence "truly one of America's great wildlife success stories" I believe our families' recovery will be truly one of America's great marriage and family success stories."
Stay tuned!
Today's Associated Press Headline states "The American bald eagle, a national symbol once almost wiped out by hunters and DDT poisoning, has not only survived but is thriving". Mark is bald and often our son and I call him the "bald eagle". I found this headline analogous to our life in recovery. We have survived and we are on the road to thriving...although that road is really rocky-especially financially.
The article refers to the eagle population's "bottom" in 1963. Our bottom as a family was December 2006! However, our battle with this horrible disease truly started 7 years ago. Our program and desire to change started 3 years ago-me starting in alanon 3 years ago and mark in AA 2 years ago. So if our full recovery is to be analogous to the Bald Eagle's it will take 44 years from the start to make a come back. This means that we will be near death and in our early 80's before full recovery!!!!! If I use the timing for recovery from when DDT was banned (1972 and slow recovery began) and liken that to when the drinking stopped the time frame would be 35 years for full recovery of the bald eagle, meaning that full recovery for us will be when we are in our early 70's!" I can also take off 10 years, as the bald eagle has appeared to be in full recovery for the past 10 years and that would make our full recovery possible in our early 60's! And slow recovery has started this year and things get better each day.That actually seems about right. It is a long road.
But each day we practice gratitude and attitude! Today I am strong and can get through anything. In my current situation most people would be falling apart. I have been laid off my part time job for the summer and there is no unemployment compensation. I am treated like a slave by my boss when I am there. Mark and I are both having a hard time finding work and the house is in foreclosure and our current income is below the federal poverty level. I have applied for welfare and have not help from my family, many of whom are very very wealthy!!!! I have a lot of faith and I know that I will get through this.
What is different today? There is no active drinking is the primary factor. Also, my attitude is different. I have stopped being a victim, I have learned humility, I continue to focus on me and grow as a person....My husband does the same...There are many many problems and challenges but we are talking, we are calmer, we are together, our son is happy, and we are no longer in denial-for the most part. We are thankful for the things we have, we are not jealous of others, we are not "poor me", we are courageous and determined.. We have full of experience, strength and hope, and we pray everyday for guidance.
John Kostyack of the National Wildlife Federation, called the eagle resurgence "truly one of America's great wildlife success stories" I believe our families' recovery will be truly one of America's great marriage and family success stories."
Stay tuned!
Monday, June 25, 2007
MEETINGS AS DAILY MEDICINE: THE FAMILY PERSPECTIVE
Mark alcoholic,
Good evening all. Three meetings today: first was a beginners meeting discussing the disease, its causes, and the recovery tools; second meeting big book; third step meeting. I guess I am in recovery mode !
I got very concerned yesterday as my mood swings are still a little unpredictable. I am working hard in this area. Hunter is great she is an amazing person. Yesterday my two daughters arrived in Spain to visit my parents for a week and I was asked not to call. I don't want to get into the detail they are there to see their grandparents. My sponsor and my wife tell me that it is not all about me,however I am human and it's tough as I have not seen them for so long and it has been a big trigger for me in the past to drink. However, NOT THIS TIME. This time sobriety comes before everything else.
I pray all will improve in time and I must believe in the promises !
I became very concerned yesterday about going to the beach. I used to drink a lot at the beach either before I got there or when I was there. You see I could get a drink any place any time even when the stores were closed on Sunday. I could go to the beach and being English and very charming, of course, I would always befriend the people on the beach with the big cooler for the day.
Yesterday my wife and son really wanted to go and I did not. I still get very concerned about people places and things I do not want to test myself...it's stupid. Alcohol is everywhere...even at a family beach day! I guess not everybody is an alcoholic but there sure was a lot of drinking going on .My sponsor tells me you must change one thing when you come into AA and that is everything!
I am beginning to enjoy recovery. A mate told me you need to keep going to meetings until you want to go. This is very true as it has now become part of my daily routine and that's just fine. I am starting to feel stronger and a little calmer there is still a huge way to go and tons of wreckage to clear up but I can only have a chance if I stay sober otherwise all bets are of!
I am getting a real sense of wanting to move forward with the steps as I know it will make me a better person and I will start to get to know myself.
I watched a Peter Sellers biography Saturday and he died all be it to young, not knowing who he was and that is exactly what alcohol did to me it striped me of my true identity I was a slave to alcohol and thank God to day I am free ,free to start a new way of life a to really get to know the real me !
More tomorrow very tired .
God bless .
Mark alcoholic.
Good evening all. Three meetings today: first was a beginners meeting discussing the disease, its causes, and the recovery tools; second meeting big book; third step meeting. I guess I am in recovery mode !
I got very concerned yesterday as my mood swings are still a little unpredictable. I am working hard in this area. Hunter is great she is an amazing person. Yesterday my two daughters arrived in Spain to visit my parents for a week and I was asked not to call. I don't want to get into the detail they are there to see their grandparents. My sponsor and my wife tell me that it is not all about me,however I am human and it's tough as I have not seen them for so long and it has been a big trigger for me in the past to drink. However, NOT THIS TIME. This time sobriety comes before everything else.
I pray all will improve in time and I must believe in the promises !
I became very concerned yesterday about going to the beach. I used to drink a lot at the beach either before I got there or when I was there. You see I could get a drink any place any time even when the stores were closed on Sunday. I could go to the beach and being English and very charming, of course, I would always befriend the people on the beach with the big cooler for the day.
Yesterday my wife and son really wanted to go and I did not. I still get very concerned about people places and things I do not want to test myself...it's stupid. Alcohol is everywhere...even at a family beach day! I guess not everybody is an alcoholic but there sure was a lot of drinking going on .My sponsor tells me you must change one thing when you come into AA and that is everything!
I am beginning to enjoy recovery. A mate told me you need to keep going to meetings until you want to go. This is very true as it has now become part of my daily routine and that's just fine. I am starting to feel stronger and a little calmer there is still a huge way to go and tons of wreckage to clear up but I can only have a chance if I stay sober otherwise all bets are of!
I am getting a real sense of wanting to move forward with the steps as I know it will make me a better person and I will start to get to know myself.
I watched a Peter Sellers biography Saturday and he died all be it to young, not knowing who he was and that is exactly what alcohol did to me it striped me of my true identity I was a slave to alcohol and thank God to day I am free ,free to start a new way of life a to really get to know the real me !
More tomorrow very tired .
God bless .
Mark alcoholic.
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