For all who are wondering and for those of you who have posted, Mark has promised to blog today or tomorrow. He has had a tough time dealing with his recovery and the feelings and anger that comes up. It is not my place to force him to blog or take his inventory, but I do hope he blogs as promised as I too get a lot from his writing...According to Mark, who just walked into the room "we have a lot to look forward to" and a my grandfather said when my parents got married "time will tell....time will tell....!"
Learning to communicate in sobriety in a marriage where there is a commitment to stay together is really tough. Mark has a lot of angry rages and I do not like the words or the behavior when he gets angry..It is dry drunk behavior..The one I dislike most is when he tells me his is going to go and drink because of me! I am grateful that I have a strong Alanon program that I started working long before he became sober. It helps me manage these situations, not react, and eventually (notice I say eventually) find the compassion inside myself to give him a hug and calm things down. I must continue to work on this as I still get suckered up into the madness, though not as often and not as prolonged as I used to. I have profound gratitude for Mark's sobriety and our new emerging life as a family and couple.
Last night we went to a beach party for our son's school-Mark would never have gone in the past, or in earlier days of his sobriety...and if he ever did go in the past he would be drunk and an embarrassment...What a joy for him to be there and be sober...I stayed joined to him at the hip at the party as I knew it was a new situation for him and I wanted to stay close to him, not because I was worried he would drink, but because I felt he needed me...That is a good feeling.
Today we went to a party at our neighbors house..another situation where Mark would never have been comfortable or shown up sober...and we had a great time. He left the party for an hour and a half to attend an AA meeting and then came back....As I am supportive of his recovery and his program and understand....I was happy he did this....Also at today's party there was no alcohol served....In the past mark would have complained and said to me "how could anyone have a party and not have enough or any beer and wine." Today, he was glad this was the situation AND if there was alcohol today he could have handled being there and NOT drinking....It is WONDERFUL and it was wonderful to be a family walking home from the neighbors, sober, happy and laughing. It is a new life and it is very exciting........
I pray we can get our financial situation under control soon. I had two interviews this week-both the wrong jobs for me....Although I have all the qualifications one was with a start up company and commission only-we need income. The other was for a sales position that I am highly qualified for but since I have taken a few years off my Rolodex is not current and they need someone with current contacts! So off to the next opportunity..I have an interview next week... Please send prayers.....I also qualified for scholarship program with a career counselor and will have 8 sessions starting in the next few weeks...
Anyway...that is my daily blog for today...IN summary things are not easy and Mark is very angry a lot of the time and overreacts to most things....BUT (he always hates when I say but..BUT in this case it is a good but....) Mark is sober, committed thoroughly to his AA program of recovery, we are committed to each other and our son and one day at a time our life as individuals, a couple, and a family, is getting better.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Thursday, June 7, 2007
A FEW INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHTS TO SHARE
Today we had our cable shut off. Our son started shouting how he hated money and how awful it was. I explained to him that it was not money that caused this problem, it was alcoholism and irresponsiblity. I hate having to go through such hard times and being forced to explain things like this because of adversity...His immediate reaction was "mommy, this can;t be all dad's fault". I replied to him that it was not daddy's fault it was irresponsibility and the chaos caused by alcoholism...I too played a part in it as I chose to only deal in a limited capacity wiht things crumbling around me and trusted that it would all end up OK. After being really angry and upset our son asked me if we were going to lose the house....I said that anything his possible. he then asked where we would go and I told him that we did not have to worry about that today and that he did not need to worry about it as I will alwasy protect him, and not that dad is sober and working on his recovery he will as well. He thought for aminute and then asked me a question "mom....did we used to be rich?" I replied yes...before the chaos of chronic alcoholism enveloped our lives we were very comfortable...more so than most families.....and we had the support of my family. We never had that support from Mark's family and no longer have that support from mine.....Devastating what alcohlism does. So this wise beyond his years kid asked another question....He takes Tae Kwon Do and every two months when he passes his promotion test we take him to his favorite restaraunt as a treat....He has been asking to do this all week since his promotion test is today...After processing what is happening to us financially he asked me what he could do to help......I replied that being who he is, staying healthy and making each day the best he can is help enough....He then said..."Mom....after my test today instead of going out to dinner can we have a barbeque on the beach....That would be really special" YES I said....I knew this was his way of helping....finding other ways to celebrate.
There is an email I have seen many times about a carrot and egg and a cup of coffee...Read on.....our son is coffee and I pray that all of us can be.
> -----A Carrot, An Egg And A Cup Of Coffee!> > A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.> > Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.> > In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.> > Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."> > "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.> > Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.> > Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"> > Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the> water.> > "Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"> > Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?> > Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?> > Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?> > May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.> > The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.> > When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.>
AND A BRIEF FOLLOW UP FROM YESTERDAY'S POST
Mark continues to be VERY angry. But he is working with his sponsor. It is tough to be around and I must practice detachment with love and all the other tools of my program..Today's reading from Hazelden is below....It is perfect for the events of today and yesterday.
TODAY'S THOUGHT FROM HAZELDEN (www.hazelden.org)
Conflict can produce positive results.If our policy is to avoid conflict at all cost, we may impede our growth by trying to sweep important issues under the rug and refusing to deal with them. The issues don't disappear, however, and by sweeping them under the rug, we make them more toxic and unwieldy.Conflict is bound to occur in any vital, important relationship, and the question is how to handle it. Allowing conflict to be brought into the open usually makes it much more manageable than trying to ignore it. If there's fear of conflict, we're less likely to feel free to be ourselves.When I am willing to talk about what's bothering me, to state my position and listen to yours, to ask for help from a Higher Power, it's very possible that we will reach an understanding that enhances our relationship. Conflict does not need to destroy. Using the Steps, we can build on our differences and both come out stronger.If I find myself in a situation of conflict today, I will try working through it rather than attempting to avoid it.
There is an email I have seen many times about a carrot and egg and a cup of coffee...Read on.....our son is coffee and I pray that all of us can be.
> -----A Carrot, An Egg And A Cup Of Coffee!> > A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.> > Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.> > In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.> > Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."> > "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.> > Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.> > Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"> > Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the> water.> > "Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"> > Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?> > Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?> > Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?> > May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.> > The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.> > When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.>
AND A BRIEF FOLLOW UP FROM YESTERDAY'S POST
Mark continues to be VERY angry. But he is working with his sponsor. It is tough to be around and I must practice detachment with love and all the other tools of my program..Today's reading from Hazelden is below....It is perfect for the events of today and yesterday.
TODAY'S THOUGHT FROM HAZELDEN (www.hazelden.org)
Conflict can produce positive results.If our policy is to avoid conflict at all cost, we may impede our growth by trying to sweep important issues under the rug and refusing to deal with them. The issues don't disappear, however, and by sweeping them under the rug, we make them more toxic and unwieldy.Conflict is bound to occur in any vital, important relationship, and the question is how to handle it. Allowing conflict to be brought into the open usually makes it much more manageable than trying to ignore it. If there's fear of conflict, we're less likely to feel free to be ourselves.When I am willing to talk about what's bothering me, to state my position and listen to yours, to ask for help from a Higher Power, it's very possible that we will reach an understanding that enhances our relationship. Conflict does not need to destroy. Using the Steps, we can build on our differences and both come out stronger.If I find myself in a situation of conflict today, I will try working through it rather than attempting to avoid it.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
SYMPATHY PAINS
Short blog entry from Hunter 7:30 PM. had a luncheon today. Dessert was tiramisu.....Similar to the banana nut bread episode mark had...I got drunk from the tiramisu and had to return to work....Strange...
Anyway, after a day like today I think and Alanon meetingw ould do me some good...I;m off!
Hunter
Anyway, after a day like today I think and Alanon meetingw ould do me some good...I;m off!
Hunter
DETACHMENT AND ANGER
Hello from Hunter again. Detachment is a big topic for me today. I have come to understand that my year's of "keep coming" to alanon have had an effect. I naturally detach now and I am grateful for this.
What is written below is EXACTLY the reason why this blog was started. To capture those moments of recovery and hte difficulties as they happen, not upon reflection.
Mark's recovery is fraught with anger and rage. He rages at me, screams at me...it is hard to take and frankly not a lot different from the days when he was drinking...EXCEPT for one BIG thing....Usually he will apologize at some point and admit that this is not how he wants to behave.
MY behavior is also different when he rages. I do not engage and I do not take any of it seriously. I used to cower and cry and believe he meant what he was saying and get really upset. It also evoked childhood memories of my father raging and my mother raging. I grew up learning that screaming and yelling was a normal and acceptable mode of communication. It took me close to 45 years to learn that it is NOT and that there are other ways to communicate. I actively practice talking things out and strive to teach our son this kind of behavior....
As for Mark and his raging....I recognized that recovery from a horrible disease is fraught with anger. I can not engage and I can not pay attention to anything he says when he is raging as none of it is THOUGHTFUL, very little of it is HONEST, none of it is NECESSARY, and it is definitely not KIND. And as I said, he tends to apologize.
The problem for me is that the raging makes my head hurt and my hands shake...It is really hard to take and deal with. Every therapist on earth, including ones we have seen advises to walk away and calm down before talking again. He just doesn;t get it...and for me my head is exploding with pressure..,no different from a woman who is continually battered. The pressure is too hard to take and I don't have enough recovery to learn how to get rid of this...Then again I don't know how many people could handle all of this.
We have NO money except for an emergency fund I set aside which is almost depleted. Mark keeps wanting to access this fund and I refuse to allow him to access all of it. I am right and he panics....My recovery does not allow me to buy into his craziness.
I have zero respect for his grandiose statements including "you think poor you live poor", when it suits him he talks about the future and having money but when it does not suit him he talks about just being able to deal with today "Today we have no money..I can only focus on today". What a bunch of contradiction! Alcoholics are manipulative and Mark is a master of it. Then he looks over my shoulder when I am writing, which he is doing now...So I will have to stop blogging...I can't believe this person is so controlling.....So I started out writing about detachment and how great I was doing and now I getting caught up in the insanity of this stupid disease and the manipualtion and anger of a recovering alcoholic...So best I get out of the house now. But I can't because I can't move....I am paralized....The madness has gotten to me...This is the insanity of alcoholism...It is the "ism" that still exists once the alcohol is removed....IT is the gaping character defects that are still there....
I used to idolize my husband and hang on every word he said as gospel and truth and the right thing. He is a big character and a good person inside. I now realize that I can not rely on him and very little of what he says is the right thing. He is too sick and does not have enought recovery to be relied on and I can not allow him to manipulate me anymore...I have allowed this for too long...I know what the right thing to do is and I have to do it...I LOVE my husband and trust in his recovery. I trust that he can be responsible and I trust that he can be a good provider and good man.....It will all take time.....and it is not easy...I hate his rages and for me I have to learn what to do and how to manage so that I can protect myself and our son from being around it.
Today I must go to work and then must come home and get rid of the clutter in this house and get ready to sell it...Tha tis the reality today and that his the mess I have allowed.
POSTSCRIPT...After writing this I explained to Mark that verbal assaults are abusive and that it must stop. We came up with a plan..I pray it works. We really do love each otehr.
What is written below is EXACTLY the reason why this blog was started. To capture those moments of recovery and hte difficulties as they happen, not upon reflection.
Mark's recovery is fraught with anger and rage. He rages at me, screams at me...it is hard to take and frankly not a lot different from the days when he was drinking...EXCEPT for one BIG thing....Usually he will apologize at some point and admit that this is not how he wants to behave.
MY behavior is also different when he rages. I do not engage and I do not take any of it seriously. I used to cower and cry and believe he meant what he was saying and get really upset. It also evoked childhood memories of my father raging and my mother raging. I grew up learning that screaming and yelling was a normal and acceptable mode of communication. It took me close to 45 years to learn that it is NOT and that there are other ways to communicate. I actively practice talking things out and strive to teach our son this kind of behavior....
As for Mark and his raging....I recognized that recovery from a horrible disease is fraught with anger. I can not engage and I can not pay attention to anything he says when he is raging as none of it is THOUGHTFUL, very little of it is HONEST, none of it is NECESSARY, and it is definitely not KIND. And as I said, he tends to apologize.
The problem for me is that the raging makes my head hurt and my hands shake...It is really hard to take and deal with. Every therapist on earth, including ones we have seen advises to walk away and calm down before talking again. He just doesn;t get it...and for me my head is exploding with pressure..,no different from a woman who is continually battered. The pressure is too hard to take and I don't have enough recovery to learn how to get rid of this...Then again I don't know how many people could handle all of this.
We have NO money except for an emergency fund I set aside which is almost depleted. Mark keeps wanting to access this fund and I refuse to allow him to access all of it. I am right and he panics....My recovery does not allow me to buy into his craziness.
I have zero respect for his grandiose statements including "you think poor you live poor", when it suits him he talks about the future and having money but when it does not suit him he talks about just being able to deal with today "Today we have no money..I can only focus on today". What a bunch of contradiction! Alcoholics are manipulative and Mark is a master of it. Then he looks over my shoulder when I am writing, which he is doing now...So I will have to stop blogging...I can't believe this person is so controlling.....So I started out writing about detachment and how great I was doing and now I getting caught up in the insanity of this stupid disease and the manipualtion and anger of a recovering alcoholic...So best I get out of the house now. But I can't because I can't move....I am paralized....The madness has gotten to me...This is the insanity of alcoholism...It is the "ism" that still exists once the alcohol is removed....IT is the gaping character defects that are still there....
I used to idolize my husband and hang on every word he said as gospel and truth and the right thing. He is a big character and a good person inside. I now realize that I can not rely on him and very little of what he says is the right thing. He is too sick and does not have enought recovery to be relied on and I can not allow him to manipulate me anymore...I have allowed this for too long...I know what the right thing to do is and I have to do it...I LOVE my husband and trust in his recovery. I trust that he can be responsible and I trust that he can be a good provider and good man.....It will all take time.....and it is not easy...I hate his rages and for me I have to learn what to do and how to manage so that I can protect myself and our son from being around it.
Today I must go to work and then must come home and get rid of the clutter in this house and get ready to sell it...Tha tis the reality today and that his the mess I have allowed.
POSTSCRIPT...After writing this I explained to Mark that verbal assaults are abusive and that it must stop. We came up with a plan..I pray it works. We really do love each otehr.
Monday, June 4, 2007
THEY'LL DO ANYTHING FOR A DRINK
Below are a few "tricks" of the trade an alcoholic uses to make sure he/she can stay "topped up". These are things I have learned from the alcoholic I love. I hope Mark can add a few things I forgot. For those of you who read this on a regular basis please add to the list if you can. The crazy thing about this is that my alcoholic, Mark, says none of this is unusual!!!!!! For me, and anyone I know that is not an addict and does not think like one this behavior is weird, unthinkable behavior and frankly VERY abnormal.
PLACES TO HIDE ALCOHOL AND WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE A BOTTLE
Where to hide
1. In the washing machine or clothes dryer
2. In the woods
3. over the backyard fence
4. Down the street in a vacant lot
5. Under the front seat or back seat of the car
6. in the spare tire compartment of the car
7. in the garage
8. behind the television cabinet
9. under the bathroom sink
10. replace the washer fluid in your car with your substance of choice and hook up a sipping
straw to the car
11. In the storage closet
12. In the trunk of an unused car
13. In the closet
14. Empty a fire extinguisher and put the substance inside
15. In your children's baby bottles-one for the baby without alcohol and one for you with-pretend to taste it
16. Ask the bartender at your "regular" restaurant to put a glass behind the plants in the bathroom for you when you go out and not to let your family know as you are not supposed to be drinking and give him a generous tip-he will always be loyal to you and the bottle, not your family
17. In your pocket
18. Inside unpacked suitcases
19. In the spare refrigerator-if you have one
20. Under a parked car in the driveway
WHAT TO DO IF YOU RUN OUT OF THE REAL STUFF AND ARE DESPERATE
1. Drink vanilla extract
2. Drink mouthwash- Listerine can give you a nasty buzz
3. Drink cough syrup...
4. Or as I recently learned eat food cooked with alcohol
HOW TO MAKE SURE YOU CAN PAY FOR IT?
1. Have an account at several different liquor stores, keep charging until your credit is no longer good
2. Max out your credit card and those of people in your family
3. Use the money you and your family need to pay the bills and spend it on your addiction
4. Forge checks
5. Refinance the house and hide the information from your partner and use all the money to feed your addiction
6. Sell things and hope your partner or family does not find out
7. If you can work or do odd jobs and spend every penny you make on it
8. Convince your partner that you need to move someplace else and that the house should be sold
9. Convince a friend that you are leaving a relationship and need a place to stay. See if they will also lend you some money...Then wear out your welcome by drinking all the alcohol in their house, lie about it and steal from them.
10.. Settle financial disputes by letting them put a lien on you house so that when you go to sell the house there is no asset left.
11. Make your parents and siblings feel sorry for you and get them to send money to you in secret to help you out. Never let them know that it is all for your addiction.
12. Use whatever other means you can to lie, cheat and steal with reckless disregard for those who love and trust you if and when you need to in order to make sure that you have what you need-you poison
HOW TO HIDE SMELL SO PEOPLE DON'T THINK YOU HAVE BEEN DRINKING
1. Use lots of mouthwash and if confronted say you have gingivitis and that this is the best cure
2. Chew Juicy Fruit Gum
3. Drink Vodka as it is the most odorless of the substances
4. Use a lot of cologne-especially ones with alcohol in it so you can blame the smell on the cologne
5. Brush teeth frequently
WHAT TO DO IF YOU HAVE BEEN ARRESTED FOR DWI OR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND MANDATED TO COMPLY WITH A COURT ORDERED PROGRAM
1. Ignore the courts and go to jail (many famous people have done this like Paris Hilton)
2. Go to the court mandated programs and learn to "drink and drive responsibly" that his what they teach you and as an alcoholic that sounds like a great idea right?
3. Go to the court mandated programs and completely disregard everything they say just get it over with so that you can clear things up and go out and screw up again...
4. Drive drunk and believe you are above the law and that you are invincible...nothing will happen to you as the bottle will always be there to protect you
HOW TO PRETEND YOU ARE IN RECOVERY
1. Go to AA and show up drunk
2. Go to rehab and get drunk before you get there
3. Celebrate completion of a rehab program by having just one more drink-no one will know...but will it really be just one???????
4. Go to AA sober and then celebrate afterwards by having a drink...you did after all get to a meeting?
5. Lie whenever it suits you
6. Blame others for your addiction
7. Drive around with a half empty bottle in your car and tell your partner or others who love you that your AA sponsor told you this was a good idea so that you can always remember how close you are to the next drink!
8. AND IF YOU ARE SOBER ENOUGH TO WALK AND BE SOMEWHAT COHERENT INSIST THAT YOU HAVE NOT HAD "ONE SINGLE" DRINK..THIS IS ONE LIE THAT HAS A RING OF TRUTH AS AN ALCOHOLIC NEVER HAS JUST ONE SINGLE!
HOW THE SYSTEM FAILS
1. Insurance companies will not allow you admittance to detox if you are not legally intoxicated. Many alcoholics show up for a detox program, but have stopped drinking 24 hours prior.. When they show up they are not intoxicated and the insurance companies deny there is a problem. So the alcoholic goes out and gets blotto and then comes back...Same person as the day before and now the insurance companies will admit he has a problem.
2. Rehabs-very few take insurance. Most addicts do not have the money to go to rehab without insurance reimbursement as they have depleted all their resources...When rehabs do take insurance the insurance companies rarely pay for more than a 14 day detox program. If the insurance companies relied on the assessment of the professionals many more people would be allowed for longer more meaningful stays in rehab.
3. Courts do not understand that alcoholism is a disease. There is no literature available about AA or Alanon for the families. All violent behavior is lumped into domestic violence category and there is not recognition that in many cases the violence stops when the drinking stops. Family and children's services also don't have any understanding of alcoholism and assign case workers who are not trained in substance abuse.
4. Tolerance policy for DWI...There should be ZERO tolerance.
5. Inability to understand that the disease is cunning and baffling and a true addict will not recover until they are ready.
PLACES TO HIDE ALCOHOL AND WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE A BOTTLE
Where to hide
1. In the washing machine or clothes dryer
2. In the woods
3. over the backyard fence
4. Down the street in a vacant lot
5. Under the front seat or back seat of the car
6. in the spare tire compartment of the car
7. in the garage
8. behind the television cabinet
9. under the bathroom sink
10. replace the washer fluid in your car with your substance of choice and hook up a sipping
straw to the car
11. In the storage closet
12. In the trunk of an unused car
13. In the closet
14. Empty a fire extinguisher and put the substance inside
15. In your children's baby bottles-one for the baby without alcohol and one for you with-pretend to taste it
16. Ask the bartender at your "regular" restaurant to put a glass behind the plants in the bathroom for you when you go out and not to let your family know as you are not supposed to be drinking and give him a generous tip-he will always be loyal to you and the bottle, not your family
17. In your pocket
18. Inside unpacked suitcases
19. In the spare refrigerator-if you have one
20. Under a parked car in the driveway
WHAT TO DO IF YOU RUN OUT OF THE REAL STUFF AND ARE DESPERATE
1. Drink vanilla extract
2. Drink mouthwash- Listerine can give you a nasty buzz
3. Drink cough syrup...
4. Or as I recently learned eat food cooked with alcohol
HOW TO MAKE SURE YOU CAN PAY FOR IT?
1. Have an account at several different liquor stores, keep charging until your credit is no longer good
2. Max out your credit card and those of people in your family
3. Use the money you and your family need to pay the bills and spend it on your addiction
4. Forge checks
5. Refinance the house and hide the information from your partner and use all the money to feed your addiction
6. Sell things and hope your partner or family does not find out
7. If you can work or do odd jobs and spend every penny you make on it
8. Convince your partner that you need to move someplace else and that the house should be sold
9. Convince a friend that you are leaving a relationship and need a place to stay. See if they will also lend you some money...Then wear out your welcome by drinking all the alcohol in their house, lie about it and steal from them.
10.. Settle financial disputes by letting them put a lien on you house so that when you go to sell the house there is no asset left.
11. Make your parents and siblings feel sorry for you and get them to send money to you in secret to help you out. Never let them know that it is all for your addiction.
12. Use whatever other means you can to lie, cheat and steal with reckless disregard for those who love and trust you if and when you need to in order to make sure that you have what you need-you poison
HOW TO HIDE SMELL SO PEOPLE DON'T THINK YOU HAVE BEEN DRINKING
1. Use lots of mouthwash and if confronted say you have gingivitis and that this is the best cure
2. Chew Juicy Fruit Gum
3. Drink Vodka as it is the most odorless of the substances
4. Use a lot of cologne-especially ones with alcohol in it so you can blame the smell on the cologne
5. Brush teeth frequently
WHAT TO DO IF YOU HAVE BEEN ARRESTED FOR DWI OR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND MANDATED TO COMPLY WITH A COURT ORDERED PROGRAM
1. Ignore the courts and go to jail (many famous people have done this like Paris Hilton)
2. Go to the court mandated programs and learn to "drink and drive responsibly" that his what they teach you and as an alcoholic that sounds like a great idea right?
3. Go to the court mandated programs and completely disregard everything they say just get it over with so that you can clear things up and go out and screw up again...
4. Drive drunk and believe you are above the law and that you are invincible...nothing will happen to you as the bottle will always be there to protect you
HOW TO PRETEND YOU ARE IN RECOVERY
1. Go to AA and show up drunk
2. Go to rehab and get drunk before you get there
3. Celebrate completion of a rehab program by having just one more drink-no one will know...but will it really be just one???????
4. Go to AA sober and then celebrate afterwards by having a drink...you did after all get to a meeting?
5. Lie whenever it suits you
6. Blame others for your addiction
7. Drive around with a half empty bottle in your car and tell your partner or others who love you that your AA sponsor told you this was a good idea so that you can always remember how close you are to the next drink!
8. AND IF YOU ARE SOBER ENOUGH TO WALK AND BE SOMEWHAT COHERENT INSIST THAT YOU HAVE NOT HAD "ONE SINGLE" DRINK..THIS IS ONE LIE THAT HAS A RING OF TRUTH AS AN ALCOHOLIC NEVER HAS JUST ONE SINGLE!
HOW THE SYSTEM FAILS
1. Insurance companies will not allow you admittance to detox if you are not legally intoxicated. Many alcoholics show up for a detox program, but have stopped drinking 24 hours prior.. When they show up they are not intoxicated and the insurance companies deny there is a problem. So the alcoholic goes out and gets blotto and then comes back...Same person as the day before and now the insurance companies will admit he has a problem.
2. Rehabs-very few take insurance. Most addicts do not have the money to go to rehab without insurance reimbursement as they have depleted all their resources...When rehabs do take insurance the insurance companies rarely pay for more than a 14 day detox program. If the insurance companies relied on the assessment of the professionals many more people would be allowed for longer more meaningful stays in rehab.
3. Courts do not understand that alcoholism is a disease. There is no literature available about AA or Alanon for the families. All violent behavior is lumped into domestic violence category and there is not recognition that in many cases the violence stops when the drinking stops. Family and children's services also don't have any understanding of alcoholism and assign case workers who are not trained in substance abuse.
4. Tolerance policy for DWI...There should be ZERO tolerance.
5. Inability to understand that the disease is cunning and baffling and a true addict will not recover until they are ready.
MORE ALCOHOLIC SCARY THINGS
Hello From Hunter.
SAD DAY! Confirmed that house is in foreclosure. Confirmed that husband's friend who said he would help us is full of shit. Confirmed that Mark has been using money from my bank account and not telling me and has overdrawn account to a point that I can not even cover the over draft with next two paychecks..We are truly broke! I am so furious with Mark..But anger will not resolve anything. Part of me says he did tell me the truth, finally, after lying and I should be grateful that he is finally telling the truth..But that really sounds like a load of bullshit from me. His behaviour was unacceptable and he needs to know this..But if we are to move forward and stay together he must learn to stop behaving this way and to live a life of rigorous honesty. I believe his commitment to AA and his recovery is putting him on this path and that his giving me the strength to move forward. I love the life we are starting to rebuild and the joy I see in our son's face as a result. What a sick disgusting disease...
There are choices today...I have two job interviews this week and if they go well we will be able to keep the house. Mark supposedly has a good job opportunity but he has never followed through with anything since I know him..I pray he follows through as part of his recovery. And if he can do this than we can save this house....Enough is enough.
I am sick to death of hearing...well at least I am not drinking over it! That is great now it is time to start living. I know he is working his recovery and I trust he will recover. I am proud of his recovery......
I really think I sound like an idiot trusting and believing in someone who has been so completely deceitful...But I know he wants to get better and I respect that.
I do as much as I can for me and for my family. It is time for Mark to get off his ass, stop using his recovery as an excuse, and to start living responsibly.
I pray he can find true recovery yet I am thrown by his friends lying to him about helping out financially so that we do not lose the house....Who lied-Mark or his friend...I do no not know but given Mark's track record I believe it was Mark. Then again, given what I know about alcoholics-it was both of them who lied..BUT the real truth is LYING IS UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR. WHEN AND HOW DOES IT STOP? I pray that Mark stops now. He has lived a life of lying-long before he knew me..It is DISGUSTING and I feel deceived.
I pray today that his recovery continues and that the lying stops once and for all. And I pray today for financial independence and a good job and a family with both partners contributing financially. It is f-----g time.... I pray today for guidance to do the next right thing and I pray today for strength to get through this.
Along the same thought as the banana nut bread a friend send this to me. Scary!
This is confirmed by Snopes (see below)Ok. I don't know where to begin because the last 2 days of my life have been such a blur. Yesterday, My youngest daughter Halle who is 4, was rushed to the emergency room by her father for being severely lethargic and incoherent. He was called to her school by the school secretary for being "very VERY sick." He told me that when he arrived that Halle was barely sitting in the chair. She couldn't hold her own head up and when he looked into her eyes, she couldn't focus them.
He immediately called me after he scooped her up and rushed her to the ER. When we got there, they ran blood test after blood test and did x-rays, every test imaginable. Her white blood cell count was normal, nothing was out of the ordinary. The ER doctor told us that he had done everything that he could do so he was sending her to Saint Francis for further test.
Right when we were leaving in the ambulance, her teacher had come to the ER and after questioning Halle 's classmates, we found out that she had licked hand sanitizer off her hand. Hand sanitizer, of all things. But it makes sense. These days they have all kinds of different scents and when you have a curious child, they are going to put all kinds of things in their mouths.
When we arrived at Saint Francis, we told the ER doctor there to check her blood alcohol level, which, yes we did get weird looks from it but they did it. The results were her blood alcohol level was 85% and this was 6 hours after we first took her. Theres no telling what it would have been if we would have tested it at the first ER.
Since then, her school and a few surrounding schools have taken this out of the classrooms of all the lower grade classes but what's to stop middle and high schoolers too? After doing research off the internet, we have found out that it only takes 3 squirts of the stuff to be fatal in a toddler. For her blood alcohol level to be so high was to compare someone her size to drinking something 120 proof. So please PLEASE don't disregard this because I don't ever want anyone to go thru what my family and I have gone thru. Today was a little better but not much. Please send this to everyone you know that has children or are having children. It doesn't matter what age. I just want people to know the dangers of this.
Thank you Lacey Butler and family
http://www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/sanitizer.asp
SAD DAY! Confirmed that house is in foreclosure. Confirmed that husband's friend who said he would help us is full of shit. Confirmed that Mark has been using money from my bank account and not telling me and has overdrawn account to a point that I can not even cover the over draft with next two paychecks..We are truly broke! I am so furious with Mark..But anger will not resolve anything. Part of me says he did tell me the truth, finally, after lying and I should be grateful that he is finally telling the truth..But that really sounds like a load of bullshit from me. His behaviour was unacceptable and he needs to know this..But if we are to move forward and stay together he must learn to stop behaving this way and to live a life of rigorous honesty. I believe his commitment to AA and his recovery is putting him on this path and that his giving me the strength to move forward. I love the life we are starting to rebuild and the joy I see in our son's face as a result. What a sick disgusting disease...
There are choices today...I have two job interviews this week and if they go well we will be able to keep the house. Mark supposedly has a good job opportunity but he has never followed through with anything since I know him..I pray he follows through as part of his recovery. And if he can do this than we can save this house....Enough is enough.
I am sick to death of hearing...well at least I am not drinking over it! That is great now it is time to start living. I know he is working his recovery and I trust he will recover. I am proud of his recovery......
I really think I sound like an idiot trusting and believing in someone who has been so completely deceitful...But I know he wants to get better and I respect that.
I do as much as I can for me and for my family. It is time for Mark to get off his ass, stop using his recovery as an excuse, and to start living responsibly.
I pray he can find true recovery yet I am thrown by his friends lying to him about helping out financially so that we do not lose the house....Who lied-Mark or his friend...I do no not know but given Mark's track record I believe it was Mark. Then again, given what I know about alcoholics-it was both of them who lied..BUT the real truth is LYING IS UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR. WHEN AND HOW DOES IT STOP? I pray that Mark stops now. He has lived a life of lying-long before he knew me..It is DISGUSTING and I feel deceived.
I pray today that his recovery continues and that the lying stops once and for all. And I pray today for financial independence and a good job and a family with both partners contributing financially. It is f-----g time.... I pray today for guidance to do the next right thing and I pray today for strength to get through this.
Along the same thought as the banana nut bread a friend send this to me. Scary!
This is confirmed by Snopes (see below)Ok. I don't know where to begin because the last 2 days of my life have been such a blur. Yesterday, My youngest daughter Halle who is 4, was rushed to the emergency room by her father for being severely lethargic and incoherent. He was called to her school by the school secretary for being "very VERY sick." He told me that when he arrived that Halle was barely sitting in the chair. She couldn't hold her own head up and when he looked into her eyes, she couldn't focus them.
He immediately called me after he scooped her up and rushed her to the ER. When we got there, they ran blood test after blood test and did x-rays, every test imaginable. Her white blood cell count was normal, nothing was out of the ordinary. The ER doctor told us that he had done everything that he could do so he was sending her to Saint Francis for further test.
Right when we were leaving in the ambulance, her teacher had come to the ER and after questioning Halle 's classmates, we found out that she had licked hand sanitizer off her hand. Hand sanitizer, of all things. But it makes sense. These days they have all kinds of different scents and when you have a curious child, they are going to put all kinds of things in their mouths.
When we arrived at Saint Francis, we told the ER doctor there to check her blood alcohol level, which, yes we did get weird looks from it but they did it. The results were her blood alcohol level was 85% and this was 6 hours after we first took her. Theres no telling what it would have been if we would have tested it at the first ER.
Since then, her school and a few surrounding schools have taken this out of the classrooms of all the lower grade classes but what's to stop middle and high schoolers too? After doing research off the internet, we have found out that it only takes 3 squirts of the stuff to be fatal in a toddler. For her blood alcohol level to be so high was to compare someone her size to drinking something 120 proof. So please PLEASE don't disregard this because I don't ever want anyone to go thru what my family and I have gone thru. Today was a little better but not much. Please send this to everyone you know that has children or are having children. It doesn't matter what age. I just want people to know the dangers of this.
Thank you Lacey Butler and family
http://www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/sanitizer.asp
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