soften the heart

I am Mark alcoholic,

Not blogged for a while been busy at tons of AA meetings .I am doing well in recovery I have 202 days today !that is the longest I can remember without alcohol in my system.

I have been to a few events as my wife has mentioned and I am lucky that the obsession has bean lifted which means that the compulsion does not get a chance to start this means great things to an alcoholic you see if I don't put alcohol in my system I don't get cravings ,it is that first drink that gets us and we are of to the races .

I have been to a few parties no major problems I have all the tools in place my phone lists sponsor support ,and always an exit strategy !I must have a way out. I still judge people a little ,how can that guy have two beers / why bother ? you see not everybody is an alcoholic!I am learning a great deal about myself it is amazing to truly be born again to get to know myself .I have a great journey in front of me without alcohol inside me I truly believe I can achieve anything ,what I have to remember is that alcohol is everywhere and I have to be very vigilant.

I put so much work into recovery it amazes me how easy it is to destroy it all with the first drink.I have seen yet again more close friends try it ,believe me it was not a pretty sight!.

I am starting to work on my anger issues and step 10 when wrong promptly admit it!. I have to do a lot more blogging tomorrow ,get back into it .I notice a comment on the site about bi polar ,we alcoholics when active have bi polar tendencies but for this alcoholic I believe bi polar means some one in AA who drank at the North pole and the South pole !I am also learning to be kinder and more loving and starting to come from a place of understanding with Hunter she is a great girl!

Until tomorrow and more real stuff.

Thanks Mark alcoholic.

projecting

Mark is in a bad way past few days. Good thing is that he tells me in advance he is in a bad way. Bad thing is that he is driving me a bit crazy..He keeps saying "you don't have to get so angry". Truth is I am NOT angry at all and don't act angry....This is projecting..He is the angry one and he is trying to deal with his anger...I am fine...Hmmm..I know there is an acronynism for FINE but I don't want to go there right now-

I am tired but do want to write tomorrow about a personality profile i had to do for a job application. I was grateful they sent me a copy. I am pretty terrific by the sounds of this report.......Hmmmm wonder why I am not getting the work......

Until tomorrow...Hunter, who is NOT angry but FINE -

HAPPY JULY 4TH

Hello from Hunter-

Weather is crappy today and my mood is reflecting it. I lost out on yet another fabulous job today after making it through 2 rounds of interviews with 8 people. It was determined I would not be a good fit...I do not know exactly what that means and I wonder what his wrong with me...I don't seem to fit in anyplace...I have asked my friend who got me the interview for specific feedback so that I can learn from the experience and she has been kind enough to to this...but I am not sure I would have done anything different. Anyway it was a crushing blow for me as I thought this would be a dream job and was excited...BUt I guess not. I am asking my higher power for guidance and will do my best to continue moving forward....I was proactive in that I applied for a career counseling scholarship program and qualified for 3 sessions. I will begin them the end of this month.

My sister, gave me a huge compliment today stating that my ability to handle adversity and still be positive and not fall apart is an inspiration. Great to be an inspiration but I'd like to inspire myself! Today I am lazy-the house is a mess and I have been in bed all day....I have not excercised and I have eaten junk food all day!

I don't always behave this way, so I guess it is ok once in a while-especially when the weather it terrible. I feel as though often I say the wrong things-not meaning to I just do....

My husband has a terrific step book he uses which I read through today. I am going to use some of the excercises in it for myself.

On happy note we all went to fireworks on teh beach last night and met some new friends..Mark came by bike so he could leave early and we were able to deal with another social situation in a good way.

Something good should happen this week....time will tell. I have not seen much of Mark today and he just returned home from his third AA meeting early to be with me...until tomorrow.

Hunter