WHAT HAPPENED TO MARK?

For all who are wondering and for those of you who have posted, Mark has promised to blog today or tomorrow. He has had a tough time dealing with his recovery and the feelings and anger that comes up. It is not my place to force him to blog or take his inventory, but I do hope he blogs as promised as I too get a lot from his writing...According to Mark, who just walked into the room "we have a lot to look forward to" and a my grandfather said when my parents got married "time will tell....time will tell....!"

Learning to communicate in sobriety in a marriage where there is a commitment to stay together is really tough. Mark has a lot of angry rages and I do not like the words or the behavior when he gets angry..It is dry drunk behavior..The one I dislike most is when he tells me his is going to go and drink because of me! I am grateful that I have a strong Alanon program that I started working long before he became sober. It helps me manage these situations, not react, and eventually (notice I say eventually) find the compassion inside myself to give him a hug and calm things down. I must continue to work on this as I still get suckered up into the madness, though not as often and not as prolonged as I used to. I have profound gratitude for Mark's sobriety and our new emerging life as a family and couple.

Last night we went to a beach party for our son's school-Mark would never have gone in the past, or in earlier days of his sobriety...and if he ever did go in the past he would be drunk and an embarrassment...What a joy for him to be there and be sober...I stayed joined to him at the hip at the party as I knew it was a new situation for him and I wanted to stay close to him, not because I was worried he would drink, but because I felt he needed me...That is a good feeling.

Today we went to a party at our neighbors house..another situation where Mark would never have been comfortable or shown up sober...and we had a great time. He left the party for an hour and a half to attend an AA meeting and then came back....As I am supportive of his recovery and his program and understand....I was happy he did this....Also at today's party there was no alcohol served....In the past mark would have complained and said to me "how could anyone have a party and not have enough or any beer and wine." Today, he was glad this was the situation AND if there was alcohol today he could have handled being there and NOT drinking....It is WONDERFUL and it was wonderful to be a family walking home from the neighbors, sober, happy and laughing. It is a new life and it is very exciting........

I pray we can get our financial situation under control soon. I had two interviews this week-both the wrong jobs for me....Although I have all the qualifications one was with a start up company and commission only-we need income. The other was for a sales position that I am highly qualified for but since I have taken a few years off my Rolodex is not current and they need someone with current contacts! So off to the next opportunity..I have an interview next week... Please send prayers.....I also qualified for scholarship program with a career counselor and will have 8 sessions starting in the next few weeks...

Anyway...that is my daily blog for today...IN summary things are not easy and Mark is very angry a lot of the time and overreacts to most things....BUT (he always hates when I say but..BUT in this case it is a good but....) Mark is sober, committed thoroughly to his AA program of recovery, we are committed to each other and our son and one day at a time our life as individuals, a couple, and a family, is getting better.