Love

Life today is really hard. But life today for us as a couple has all the possibility of a good relationship because Mark is finally sober and realistic about life and responsibilities. Mark is lovable and I can truly stick by him as long as he stays honest, clean and sober. Of course his addiction has cost us mostly everything and today I will have to confront the possible loss of our home to foreclosure and seriously consider selling the only asset we have left before we lose it. This is devastating, especially since it really does not take much to hang on to it, if we both had ordinary jobs, but between the two of us we can't find work and can't cover our expenses. Both of us are bright and both of us have screwed up our careers in the past. I actually believe that Mark will get back on track and one day so will I but for now, it would be good to be able to survive. It is downright scary!!!

Mark keeps sharing with me that his friends in AA say "don't work for a year", "don't drink and all will fall into place" AND finally mark is realistic about life and dealing with reality.IN reality he needs to and wants to work, as do I. I shared these AA comments with my Alanon sponsor and she responded "What an alcoholic thing to say" and to remind mark to take what you like and leave the rest...Mark and I agree with her 1000%. Not working is a bunch of bullshit.

There are some good things in the hopper for Mark ranging from a job in a retail store to a consulting position with a larger firm...There is a BIG difference in the pay for these positions but either one would be fine. As for me I have an interview tomorrow, at the company I am working part time at. I am not sure I will qualify for the position but as always I am going to give it my best shot.

SO how are we recovering as a family today?????? We are loving each other through this and with sobriety able to be supportive. I am dealing with tremendous mood swings from mark and they are hard to take but because of my program I am loving and dealing with it. I also have my own depression and mood swings but can not show mark my sadness as it is too much for him to handle But he knows anyway....

Last week was my birthday. I did not feel special. This weekend I went to visit my uncle's new home. I enjoyed myself with our son, mark did not go. My uncle is very wealthy I wish he could help us out with work but he can't. It was first time I had been away in awhile..Leaving home costs money and I can not afford $50 in gas.....the money pot is dry and I pray it fills up soon. My mom's birthday was this week. She can no longer speak and when I called to sing to her I could not hear her voice....

All in all I am ready for a nervous breakdown...But as mark said to me, he can't live without me..and in recovery I can't live with out him.....So today I really know what for richer or poorer and in sickness and in health really means in the weeding vows and I pray that our love can help us achieve all we dream of.

PRAYERS PRAYERS PRAYERS PLEASE!!!! From all our friends who read our blog and the universe.

Hunter