hello again

I have been amiss not writing my blog I guess I think I am cured . The disease of alcoholism is cunning and baffling . I know I cannot drink like normal people and I know that my families recovery is moving slowly but surely in the right direction to drink would destroy all of this.

I do not obsess over drinking today but as the summer nights arrive we in recovery or me for sure start to romance that nice glass of wine by the water but of course for me it is not possible . I must not think this way I must start to find other activities to keep me busy.

My meetings are great but they only last for one hour a day their are 23 more to be vigilant in.
I am feeling good about recovery but I do get reminded at my meetings every day about the slips and relapses all around me I just don't have it in me any more,I keep notes around me reminding me what happens if I drink it will be devastating.

At home my wife is up and down and I have tons of work to do on rebuilding the trust. We celebrated our wedding anniversary yesterday 9 years its a miracle, I just pray that the next 9 will be sober for all of us . Recovery is a daily grind ,I am the type of guy who can put a big smile
on my face and my appearance is mostly positive but it is not always easy I have lost a great deal in my life mostly time,time to live . I do go back to start with my gratitude list when things are bad and good, I must not forget where I have been where I am going and how I am going to get their using the 12 steps of AA.

My son is doing well and along with us continues to recover, the alcoholic me has know clue what he is doing to his family when active but I am able to see him happy and enjoying spending time with each other . He will be getting a big brother type thing from our town services department its like a mentoring big friend programme I think it will be great for him.

I have been watching on HBO a show on addiction and I have some reservations about how alcoholism is shown but all are entitled to opinions and as far as I am concerned the more it is talked about the more chance that another alcoholic still suffering can be helped . The message of recovery and AA needs to be out their for all to know about it and I think this brings into question the real anonymity issue that AA will need to address in the coming years. Alcoholism kills and is becoming epidemic I only want to help myself and others in recovery.

I am proud to be in recovery I try to explain to my daughters who I have harmed terribly about my journey but their vision of an alcoholic is a dirty old man in an old trench coat drinking from a brown bag . Well their for the grace of god go all alcoholics ,my meetings are attended by all types some of the wealthiest in America and some of the poorest ,remember this disease knows know boundaries it affects alcoholics period no matter what your worth.

I am starting step 4 now I don't think it will be so tough its all in my head I did what I did so write it down!

I am not American and have many frustrations about the USA but I am coming to terms with the fact finally that this will be my life I think as you recover you start to find your true self it takes time but I think or hope one day I will like myself for who I am and know more.

We alcoholics are pig headed grandiose and frankly mostly full of ourselves . As we recover we will experience our true feelings and some times it can be very hard to handle I am sensitive and have to some extent been a loner, that you would never believe if you met me remember we are great actors .

I want my recovery more than anything in the world because I know the promises will come true if I work for them ,this is a program of action and I am moving into action!.

Good night . Mark alcoholic .
PS
I promise to make this a daily blog and I will from now on treat it like a meeting it is a great help to me and I hope to those that one day read it on our journey of recovery ,remember you are not alone.