Inspirational

BY HUNTER:

"Inspirational" is the word that comes to mind today as I read several posts from people who have read our blog. One in particular touched my heart written by the daughter of an alcoholic. I have read her story and am so grateful for her post of encouragement to my husband. I feel as though our blog has helped her and also it makes me feel good that I have been so supportive of my husband's recovery as our son, and Mark's daughters' lives will be better as a result.

I wish I could reach out to Mark's daughters, who live across the ocean, but I realize that it is not appropriate. I did reach out when Mark was too sick to reach out himself and in many respects my efforts were misunderstood. I still remain in shock tha this family blamed me for his alcoholism.. I will say that during his worst times I had some wonderful dialogue with his ex-wife who appears to be a grounded, bright and caring person. I would like to open dialogue with her again but now that Mark is in recovery it is his responsibility not mine and I feel like it would be a breach of Mark's confidence to open up this dialogue (now that he is not drinking perhasp I can talk wtihhim about this and come to a resolution).

I feel helpless in many respects as Mark's eldest daughter is suffering from manic depression. She has a wonderful mom who is very supportive of her an over the years has been everything to her girls since Mark was "absent" from life the past 9 years! I can relate to this experience as I had to be this for our son as well-even though Mark, or whoever he was when he was drinking, was with us physically. This beautiful girl has always needed her daddy. I so much want to reach out to her and her mom and let them know that we are both there for her and that she did not cause her dad's illness and that he loves her and will never be "absent" again..But I can not. It is not my place to do this.

Also, Mark is in early days of recovery (115 days today) and he needs to keep the focus on himself right now. He is just on step 4 and not truly ready to get involved with the intricacies and wreckage of his past. A normal person would be able to step right in and be there for his daughter but he is not normal, he has a dreadful disease, and he must focus on his recovery first....without this he can not help anyone. I so much wish I could explain this to his ex-wife and daughter and let them know that he prays for his daughter daily but it is not my place. I want to be the rescuer but I can't...I can, now that Mark's head is less clouded, share my feelings with him, be grateful that he now knows how to listen, and perhaps guide him to help her...

INSPIRATIONAL is the post from the daughter on my husband's blog encouraging him to keep doing what he is doing. It was like a message from God to help guide him with respect to his daughters.

Also I spoke to a friend from Alanon today who has been reading my blog. This is how she checks in on me. She can not believe my strength and serenity in the face of many many problems I am facing-largely financial. She was inspired by my words to her which said that I can only focus on today and doing the next right thing to make my life better.

I wanted my marriage to work and to keep my little family together. I needed Mark to get sober for this to be a possibility. He did and is getting better everyday. This is what it means in marriage vows "in sickness and in health" It is time for health in my family...Mental, physical, and financial. We have a lot to give to help others...We are on our way...God is lighting our path..

Peace, Love, and Serenity.

Hunter