EFFECT OF ALCOHOLISM AND RECOVERY ON CHILDREN

DCF (Department of Children's and Family Services) was here yesterday to visit our family as part of an ongoing follow up to an investigation which found my husband neglectful of our child. This is the third time we have had DCF involved in our family affairs and it will be last as I will never expose our son to alcoholism or unacceptable behavior in the home ever again...and I know that my husband, his father, does not want this either. With all of his energy my husband is focusing on his sobriety. Not drinking, attending AA meetings, surrounding himself with a support network of sober friends, and working the AA steps is the only way he will do this. And the rewards of this are much better than anything a drink could provide.

The chaos and crazy behavior caused by alcoholism, as well as the financial strain is very stressful for our child who lives at home. He has been through so very much in these past few years, and he too is in recovery. We are lucky that he has an exceptional temperament and is a basically happy kid. We are also blessed to live in a community where there is amazing support for him in the schools and the town. I was unsure about letting the school know what was going on starting two years ago. I finally did the right thing and sent a note to the school and set up a meeting with the school principal, teacher, and psychiatrist. My husband was forbidden to pick up our son from school and our son started weekly sessions with the school psychologist. This was one of the best things I did for our boy and it helped him greatly get through that period of time with good self esteem. The psychologist also gave our son an amazing education about alcoholism and at the tender age of 8 years old our son was able to separate the person from the disease and understand what was going on. This is truly not what an 8 year old should have to deal with and many would not have chosen to teach such a young child about alcoholism but in our case I know it was the right thing.

So many thoughts are dancing in my head right now regarding moving out of the home and living in a shelter, moving back and asking my husband to leave, and so much more, way too painful to write down and remember. During this time period our son had trouble concentrating and doing well in school, he tested below average in most areas on academic tests, cried when he went to baseball and basketball practice and games because he did not have a daddy who played ball with him or came to the games (and the few times that he did embarrassed him because he was drunk and caused a scene). I had to function in so many areas and was so overwhelmed that I could not hold down a job as I too could not focus and be responsible for working 40 hours a week. There was too much chaos in the home for me to check my problems at the door.

That is where we were...Today with recovery in our home and recovery as a family there is "progress not perfection" (an AA and Alanon slogan). The progress has made all the difference in our child's life. He is concentrating and doing well in school and performing well on standardized tests. Instead of escaping to his room and fearing what might happen, he enjoys a family dinner-the three of us, conversation, a peaceful environment to read and do homework in, and after dinner family activity and snuggles. Last night we sat by a fire, watched a movie together, had dinner, and worked on a puzzle. Our son remarked "Life is Good...So good now that dad is sober"

Today I pray that recovery continues in our home one day at a time and that G-d is with all of us guiding us on our respective paths. I have much rebuilding to for myself and now, like our son, have the peace to make it happen.

-Hunter