easy does it

My day started better than usual, my wife told me she loved me ,which is a simple word but it means so much to how my day starts .

I went to my regular big book meeting and we discussed the topic helping others it was really a subject about sponsorship so not that relevant to a 90 dayer however one day I will be a sponsor which is a goal for me and I can now see how it helps the sponsor stay sober it is very much part of step12 .

I was able to make a 12pm meeting a speaker meeting not great but keeps it real and then continue with my day. I have a bad cold and it is making me tired but its better than being drunk! .I am going through a waiting period for my new job based out of California I am just waiting for instructions and pay but I know it will be OK as I spoke with the Bose's son today. The financial mess is still around but I have some great friends and one in Particular is being very helpful when I can pin him down.

The other more alcohol related issue is I am thinking about my sponsor and weather I should find another . A sponsor is a very important part of recovery and he is very much a guide to your recovery and the 12 steps . My issue at present is I need a lot of positive energy for my personal recovery it is very easy to get on the pity pot and complain I find that I need to talk to my sponsor a few times a day to stay in touch about various issues that I come across every day that could put me closer to a drink and for me that is suicide .

Overall today has been OK and its OK to be OK I would like all things done now but it just does not work that way I believe their is a God and it is not me ! At my regular meeting this morning one of us told about her daughter who is in re-hab and last night somebody smuggled a full, jar of zanax into the re-hab I know little or nothing about drugs but the daughter is also an alcoholic she took many tablets and is now in the hospital ,this decease kills and the more we learn and understand our problems and get them out the more we can help save each other.

I know that I have been given a great gift and I must do what I can to save my ass and my family before I can do much for others but I believe every little helps.

I Will be writing about my time at high watch and arms acres both re-hab type places although I think high watch is far more AA and retreat like.

I remember in the first weeks of my chronic alcoholic time that going away was just not for me I did not have a problem and I will get into how it is very difficult to push an alcoholics recovery you must be ready and surrender completely if you are to have any hope of recovery and for most of us that is a critical time . What is our own bottom they are all different the only true bottom is certain death our bottoms differ for those lucky enough to be reading this it can be car recks, loss of family, serious health issues their are many bottoms I have heard about I just know none of us came to AA on the wings of victory !

I want to tell more about me my story whilst protecting my anonymity.

I was born in the UK and my father was a truck driver and my mother an Irish gypsy adopted twice ? I think today my mother is an alcoholic in denial I also believe my father has had a drinking problem in their past but I cant say for sure he is alcoholic but when you have had pancritates In guess something is going on.

My up bringing was working class I have two brothers I was the sporty one . We moved around the UK as my fathers career grew and he became a very successful manager as he made more money I guess we started to move in different circles . I am not well more tomorrow.