The grind

Mark alcoholic,

I am alone for 2 days ,Hunter has gone to the Hampton's,I am just not ready for that yet ,people places and things.I am in a good place today safe sober and working very hard on my recovery.

I really did not plan this but it has happened and I have to look forward ,my past is part of who I am my character and I cant change that.My sponsor has been telling me to look for the good in myself and focus only on today for recovery and the future as I start to live a full life.

I have been attending meetings daily and last week I had some ups and downs but that I am told is normal.I ran my little meeting Friday and it was fun to be able to make people laugh at some of my antics and to help the group stay sober for 24 hours.

I wanted to share something funny but that depends how you look at it ,I never like to see a fellow AA suffer at the men's meeting on Thursday called the Rolex meeting one of our very sober members with 20 years sobriety was pontificating about the programme the trees and the rivers he is a nature nut and at the end of his share at 7.45 am he said one of us need to pick up today if we don't want to and we can have a sober day a friend of mine said it was to late he already had started drinking ,the way it came out was very funny but also a painful reminder of the disease of alcoholism and as a chronic alcoholic I could totally understand I have done the same thing many times and I am not a saint!

The amount of meetings and numbers of people suffering and recovering in my town is mind blowing I have a choice of at least 4 early bird meetings every day and then others all through the day so there is plenty of help for us if we need it.

The areas of recovery I have worked on this week are honesty,acceptance,and gratitude all very important for me and. composure a big one .

Friend from AA calling got to go .

more later Mark alcoholic.

There for the Grace of God go I

Mark Alcoholic,

Had a good few days because I did not drink. It's amazing how simple it is when you have the gift .I had 5 mates slip in the past few days. One guy was two weeks out of HighWatch , and, just like me, he lost it. I pray he gets back.

The meetings are carrying a new message for me. It's hard to explain but I really am starting to get the full meaning of all the slogans and have great hope. I have added a second sponsor-typical me- grandiose bullshit -got to have more than one.... That's me.

I went to great meeting this morning. A friend spoke. What a story. This guy has a Rolls Royce story but when you end up in a prison cell after a bender they don't care what you do or what you drive!

Today he has the gift, is 15 years sober, and is a terrific guy. It really inspires me to know that this simple program works if you work it.

Hunter has been OK. She did a terrific job today juggling many things working; interviewing for a fantastic new opportunity; being a mum; and cooking and serving dinner at the local shelter for 35 people- I know half of them from from my meetings! I did not want to go tonight to serve dinner but I have done it before and it really helps others as well as me and my family. My wife reminded me that this is a 12th step opportunity. The people at the shelter who know me from meetings had a big smile on their faces and I spoke to all of them. By being there with my family as a happy unit I (and many of them have seen me struggle over the years) I was sharing my experience stregth and hope with them-leading by example.

Many people participate in cooking and serving dinner at the shelter for "brownie points" For me and my family it was different: It was my family helping others and being a living example of the gift of recovery as a family. Talking to my friends was as important to them as it was to me. Unlike others who do this for "brownie points" I do not look down on anybody. I could have ended up in a shelter and my actions almost put my family in one! If I pick up again it well might be!

Today, I do have hope. I am trying to finish my career plans and am expecting closure on a major project this week. I will let you know. I cant do anything if I drink! I must never forget that ever.

I am starting to hear from my father that he thinks my elder brother has a drinking problem. How could this be possible ? What do you think 2 bottles of wine for lunch and 2 for dinner everyday for most of your life is?... You tell me dad!

I can only make suggestions to my father as I do not speak to my brother and have not for some time - due to my problem. I guess that will change in time .

This is how I feel today: optimistic, my prayers may have not been answered but I know they are being heard .

Good night .

Thanks for letting me share .

Mark alcoholic.

easy does it

My day started better than usual, my wife told me she loved me ,which is a simple word but it means so much to how my day starts .

I went to my regular big book meeting and we discussed the topic helping others it was really a subject about sponsorship so not that relevant to a 90 dayer however one day I will be a sponsor which is a goal for me and I can now see how it helps the sponsor stay sober it is very much part of step12 .

I was able to make a 12pm meeting a speaker meeting not great but keeps it real and then continue with my day. I have a bad cold and it is making me tired but its better than being drunk! .I am going through a waiting period for my new job based out of California I am just waiting for instructions and pay but I know it will be OK as I spoke with the Bose's son today. The financial mess is still around but I have some great friends and one in Particular is being very helpful when I can pin him down.

The other more alcohol related issue is I am thinking about my sponsor and weather I should find another . A sponsor is a very important part of recovery and he is very much a guide to your recovery and the 12 steps . My issue at present is I need a lot of positive energy for my personal recovery it is very easy to get on the pity pot and complain I find that I need to talk to my sponsor a few times a day to stay in touch about various issues that I come across every day that could put me closer to a drink and for me that is suicide .

Overall today has been OK and its OK to be OK I would like all things done now but it just does not work that way I believe their is a God and it is not me ! At my regular meeting this morning one of us told about her daughter who is in re-hab and last night somebody smuggled a full, jar of zanax into the re-hab I know little or nothing about drugs but the daughter is also an alcoholic she took many tablets and is now in the hospital ,this decease kills and the more we learn and understand our problems and get them out the more we can help save each other.

I know that I have been given a great gift and I must do what I can to save my ass and my family before I can do much for others but I believe every little helps.

I Will be writing about my time at high watch and arms acres both re-hab type places although I think high watch is far more AA and retreat like.

I remember in the first weeks of my chronic alcoholic time that going away was just not for me I did not have a problem and I will get into how it is very difficult to push an alcoholics recovery you must be ready and surrender completely if you are to have any hope of recovery and for most of us that is a critical time . What is our own bottom they are all different the only true bottom is certain death our bottoms differ for those lucky enough to be reading this it can be car recks, loss of family, serious health issues their are many bottoms I have heard about I just know none of us came to AA on the wings of victory !

I want to tell more about me my story whilst protecting my anonymity.

I was born in the UK and my father was a truck driver and my mother an Irish gypsy adopted twice ? I think today my mother is an alcoholic in denial I also believe my father has had a drinking problem in their past but I cant say for sure he is alcoholic but when you have had pancritates In guess something is going on.

My up bringing was working class I have two brothers I was the sporty one . We moved around the UK as my fathers career grew and he became a very successful manager as he made more money I guess we started to move in different circles . I am not well more tomorrow.