I have left my phone list in the car so I am having problems calling some AAs. Blogging will help. I really did not plan for my life to end up like this and it is not going to! I want to be remembered one day for being a good guy and not as I have bragged about in the past as someone who lived by the sword ad died by the sword. I want to live honestly fairly and to be liked -loved for who I am and not by bravado.
I often think that God has and will use me for a reason,what? I do not know. I do know that after the lunch time meeting a lot of my recovering friends still struggling talked with me and mentioned that if I can do this so can they. I was written off by many people in and out of the program and was told I would not make it. TODAY I HAVE MADE IT AND WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO ONE DAY AT A TIME....THAT'S WHAT MATTERS.
Most of us AAs are very smart it amazes me why we did what we did. I think it's a lot more than just the obsession and genetic part that makes us the way we are andI guess the person who can figure that out does not exist. Why knowingly would you basically try and kill yourself? It truly is insanity.
I think one of the great things about AA is that you constantly get reminded about the first drink. My wife drinks very little. She used to drink with me a little too much. But she was able to stop and is able to control her drinking. When we go out she has 1-2 glasses of wine. I just don't get that. Why bother?
I have an obligation to take care of my wife and son, but I am no use to man or beast if I drink. I will continue to put recovery first because I know it will work and we will all be fine as long as I protect my sobriety with all my energy. All is possible ,they deserve it and so do I.
Thanks Mark
Alcoholic
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