DEALING WITH WHAT IS AND NOT FALLING APART

Good Morning from Hunter.

Today's thought for the day from Hazelden speaks to me in a very special way. RECOVERY is about making life manageable and putting our best selves into everything we do. Accepting that sometimes things don't work out as we would like but that as long as we continue to do the next right thing and have faith that all will turn out fine. It is not always easy to accept this concept, but truthfully, it is the only concept that works...Feeling sorry for ourselves, being resentful, and expecting others to "rescue" us, believing we are fine when we are not, denial, and not knowing how to reach out to others and communicate sets up up for failure, depression and despair.

I spent most of my life being the "baby"...I was the youngest of 4 by 12-16 years and everyone took care of me. I did not learn the tools I needed in order to be self reliant or socially competent-I never had to as there was always someone there to pick up the pieces. And then I lost my entire emotional and financial security-which I have talked about in earlier posts-my mom's Alzheimer's and my husband's disease. I feel like I fell apart. And truthfully I did.

Putting myself back together has been a hard struggle but I am stronger and a better person today than I have ever been. It is hard to do things that I don't want to, like go to low paying job and not be appreciated for my experience and talents and to be passed over for promotions; BUT I have learned humility and I keep my head down and do what I have to and know that something better will come.

Also I have learned to listen to my inner voice. That voice tells me that sometimes I need a "mental health day". Today is one of those days. I am really uncomfortable in my current work situation and do not want to be there today. I am not a salaried employee and my not coming to work does not cost the company any money. I do need the money and the job and am grateful to have something but today I need to take care of myself. As the Hazelden thought states today "The person who is born with a talent which he is meant to use finds greatest happiness when using it". My talents are overlooked at my current place of work and I am miserable... I am frustated that I do not have the opportunity to contribute the talents I have been given. I am down on myself and feel that I am unlikeable. I need today to recharge, build the strength to know that this situation is only temporary and that I am OK just as I am and to figure out how to put my talents to work that in a way that will fulfill my soul and my pocketbook.

Like I said in a previous post-recovering as a family is exhausting and the financial stress we are under is killing me. I need some alone time and that is what I will get today. Mark was upset that I told him I was not going to go to work and I felt as though he was pushing me to do something I knew was wrong for me for today. I told him to go to a noon meeting and he was hurt that I wanted to be alone. Truthfully he needed the meeting and I needed the time alone. Alcoholics always think it is always all about them. We are learning to communicate and thankfully he did go to his meeting and I am home alone decompressing.

Part of my topic for today of Dealing with what is and not falling apart is allowing ourselves quiet time to decompress, focus, grieve for whatever we don't have or have lost, and use this time to recharge so that we can move forward. SO that is what my today is all about...AND I pray that at the end of the day I am recharged and moving forward.

What was shattered inside me has been repaired with a strong solid foundation, and parts of me that never "worked" properly have also been repaired and are getting stronger each day of my recovery.

Today I am living in recovery and I can see the difference....today I pray for those who can not.

Below is Today's Gift from Hazelden....It truly says it all:

"Depression and Despair What am I doing with what I've got? Instead of despairing over my lack of abilities in certain areas, am I doing the best with the talents I've been given?All of us have unique gifts and abilities. Some of us work well with our hands; others are gifted at working with abstract ideas. Whatever our abilities, we would do well to concentrate on bringing those we can do to fruition rather than focus on our limitations.Greek philosopher Epictetus put it this way: "He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." German poet and dramatist Goethe said, "The man who is born with a talent which he is meant to use finds his greatest happiness in using it." TODAY, let me not concentrate on my handicaps as much as on my abilities. I know I have been given all I need to make my life a success.Rebellion against your handicaps gets you nowhere. Self-pity gets you nowhere. One must have the adventurous daring to accept oneself as a bundle of possibilities and undertake the most interesting game in the world - making the most of one's best.--Harry Emerson Fosdick "