Not all Days are Good

Today I am going to work on a positive attitude and pray for guidance. I am feeling down on myself for all the career opportunities I passed up and for ending up where I am now, unable to afford my house, unable to find work, married to a man who is also not working and lies to me. I am pissed off with myself for believing his lies and putting our son and myself in a position where we are going to lose our home because I have believed my husband's lies. I want to drive myself to work today and be in control of where I go and what I do. I want a good job. I am so frustrated sending out hundred of resumes, only to be consistently rejected and offered positions with no salary or minimum wage. I am a good person, I am smart, and I am a hard worker...this is not fair....I pray for myself today that I learn to do something different and that God sends me guidance. I don't want to be supportive and loving and forgiving today and accepting of my husband's disease but I don't want him to drink and I don't want to lose him. I don't want to find chaos in my home. I want my husband to support this family. He supposedly has a job and supposedly is getting paid-yet he has told me he is not supposed to go into work yet and that his is getting paid-but the paycheck has not arrived in a month.. If it sounds like bullshit, it usually is.. How stupid am I and how patient am I supposed to be. Enough is enough! I don't feel like being understanding and compassionate today. I am sick of lies and financial distress. I am furious with myself for allowing thisto happen. I can't do this anymore. today I just can't. I love my husband very much and I pray for the guidance and strength today to give him the love he needs and for the guidance and strength to love myself and get through today and maybe figure out a new approach.