I hope Mark writes in this blog today as I try not to write until he has written. What we are noticing in our family is that our moods are infectious...I have been very down the past few days and spent a lot of it in bed....Mark has been down as well...he is feeling close to a drink, his sponsor is depressing him, and he is starting to confront the wreckage he caused by drinking rather than drinking to escape it...He is working his AA program and it is a constant battle everyday. For me it is a joy to see him calling other people in AA, seeking advice, and doing whatever it takes to stay sober. For me it is also hard to understand the constant thoughts of drinking associated with pleasure he has..ie....I had dinner with a girlfriend this past week whom I had not seen in over a year. As I left Mark remarked about having a few drinks with my friend and getting hammered.....Having a few drinks with my friend was the furthest thing from my mind. Seeing her new home and catching up on each others lives was what I was thinking about not drinking. The difference between me and an alcoholic is associating a glass of wine with pleasure rather than the experience of a sunset, good coversation, seeing family or old friends, nature, etc...The wine is not pleasurable, the experience is....Thinking about the wine rather than the experience is sick. This is part of recovery.
Anyway I have to stop writing now as my alcoholic has returned from his morning AA meeting and I have to go off work. I will close by saying that I don't fear him drinking again but this first year of recovery is really tough. I fear our financial insecurity and it is hard sometimes to deal with his moods. It is hard to be sympathetic on an ongoing basis and his needs and expectations are far greater than i am able to give.. I do my best and tha tis all i can do...We love each other very much and we are slowly working things out.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment