In March of this year I started a journal about my mom. The first entry was written in March and was entitled "I miss her so" It's contents are below. The difference between now and then is that I can not go and see her.. But in some senses I am more with her now than before. Here is the entry:
from March 2007
I miss mom so very much. I see women 84 on TV with their minds in tact and I wonder why not my mom.....why...I see books and stories about mothers and daughters and how they talk everyday...I always talked to my mom everyday...I looked out for her for so many years after my dad died. We fought so very much and yelled and screamed...it was horrible.. But we loved so very much.. She always knew what I liked and what was best for me and always helped me. She loved to shop and always left out clothes for me on my bed that she thought would look good on me...They always did and I wore the heck out of them...Funny-I married someone who does the same thing. I guess I am lucky we shared this and I know I will always be grateful for the days and times we shared I will always wish there were more of them....It is springtime and as I look outside I see birds chirping and looking for food on the sill leafless trees. Springtime is rebirth and in so many ways my life is in rebirth this year. I pray i make the best of it."
Today it is not Springtime, it is Autumn. The leaves are resplendent in color and there is a gentle peace in our home. Mark has taken the afternoon off and is resting, our son is home and relaxing, and the rain is pelting down outside. It is a very strong rain-one that has swept most of the country and even caused several tornado's.
A dear friend of mine once told me that rain after a sad event, like the passing of a loved one, is a reminder from the Universe and God, that all is well. The rain makes everything clean and ready for a new start....In the case of the weather we have and are experiencing, I believe it is a powerful one from my mom and dad, and some other very famous and powerful personalities who have passed recently. A message that all is well but that we have to wake up and take care of our planet.
That's all for now..
Warmest,
Hunter
Friday, October 19, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Reminder-First Year of Sobriety is EARLY Recovery
Hello Again from Hunter,
I am grieving deeply the loss of my mother. No one will ever hug me again and let me know everything is OK in the reassuring way that she always did. I have a beautiful child and I am lucky that I can give that kind of love to him. I too need that love and sadly I have a husband who is sick who cannot be there for me in this way. He is still in early recovery and I don't quite understand it completely but all his energy goes into him not taking the first drink. I know from my program that I have to let things roll off my back, especially the many unkind and angry words he says and the hyper behavior...it is all part of recovery. BUT I am not a machine and I have feelings. I can only take so much before I explode. I need a bit of love and compassion -I lost my mother. I know that he does not quite understand this as he does not have this kind of close relationship wtih his mother. I do know that if his dad died tomorrow it would have a profound effect on him and it would hurt-hopefully he will have enough recovery under his belt not to drink. Anyway, I exploded yesterday and today. Unfortunately this did not change things....it never will. Today I am going to pray that I can find the right words and behavior to express my needs, my hurts, my disappointments, and I will pray that Mark is open enough to hear me.
Until later.
Hunter
I am grieving deeply the loss of my mother. No one will ever hug me again and let me know everything is OK in the reassuring way that she always did. I have a beautiful child and I am lucky that I can give that kind of love to him. I too need that love and sadly I have a husband who is sick who cannot be there for me in this way. He is still in early recovery and I don't quite understand it completely but all his energy goes into him not taking the first drink. I know from my program that I have to let things roll off my back, especially the many unkind and angry words he says and the hyper behavior...it is all part of recovery. BUT I am not a machine and I have feelings. I can only take so much before I explode. I need a bit of love and compassion -I lost my mother. I know that he does not quite understand this as he does not have this kind of close relationship wtih his mother. I do know that if his dad died tomorrow it would have a profound effect on him and it would hurt-hopefully he will have enough recovery under his belt not to drink. Anyway, I exploded yesterday and today. Unfortunately this did not change things....it never will. Today I am going to pray that I can find the right words and behavior to express my needs, my hurts, my disappointments, and I will pray that Mark is open enough to hear me.
Until later.
Hunter
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Taking Care of Ourselves
Hello-
Some readers my be wanting to know what happened to Mark. Answer: He is working....it is a new life and full of adjustments..Not only is he working, he is employing people in recovery helping them get back on track.....As Mark has not worked in many years he has been too busy to do much more than get to his meetings, go to work, eat dinner with his family and go to sleep...I will encourage him to write soon-promise.
My Alanon sponsor came to the store Mark works at on opening day...Her comment to me was "I have never seen Mark sober"...that in of itself is "sobering".
Anyway with my mom gone and Mark sober and working and our son enjoying a normal home life I am free to focus on me. I was given a gift to go away to a yoga retreat for a week where there are classes on integrative weight loss. I am getting my mind and self ready for this amazing trip and realize that I have an addiction to food and am just hitting my bottom-fortunately I do not weigh 300 pounds but could if I continue on the spiral I am on. Never the less I am confronting that I do not love myself. If I did my body and appearance would be important to me....it is not. I have spent a lot of time nurturing my soul recently and need to continue to do this work in order to be the best I can be. I look forward to this.
Hunter
Some readers my be wanting to know what happened to Mark. Answer: He is working....it is a new life and full of adjustments..Not only is he working, he is employing people in recovery helping them get back on track.....As Mark has not worked in many years he has been too busy to do much more than get to his meetings, go to work, eat dinner with his family and go to sleep...I will encourage him to write soon-promise.
My Alanon sponsor came to the store Mark works at on opening day...Her comment to me was "I have never seen Mark sober"...that in of itself is "sobering".
Anyway with my mom gone and Mark sober and working and our son enjoying a normal home life I am free to focus on me. I was given a gift to go away to a yoga retreat for a week where there are classes on integrative weight loss. I am getting my mind and self ready for this amazing trip and realize that I have an addiction to food and am just hitting my bottom-fortunately I do not weigh 300 pounds but could if I continue on the spiral I am on. Never the less I am confronting that I do not love myself. If I did my body and appearance would be important to me....it is not. I have spent a lot of time nurturing my soul recently and need to continue to do this work in order to be the best I can be. I look forward to this.
Hunter
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
My mom passed away
I lost my best friend and mother on Sept. 26th at 9:30 am. She had Alzheimer's and for several years was not able to completely be the vibrant, feisty, wonderful lady that I was proud to be related to but always she was someone I was proud to be related to and adored with all my heart and soul. She was lucky to live in her own home surrounded by wonderful caregivers and to never be in a nursing home or assisted living facility (yuck, I do not like those places).
I am grateful to have a strong 12 step program and a husband who is truly sober and recovering mentally, spiritually, and physically and who is working.
I have had to deal with a family that is "nuts" for lack of a better word-my sister's husband never spoke a civil word to my mother, nor her to him, until she was mentally incapable of remembering. My sister, his wife, was the person who was given durable power of attny over my mothers affairs, and in effect he managed them with him over the years and continues to do so. This is hard for me as he hates me, in fact he did not say a word to me over the past few weeks except to tell me that in his eyes I am f-----g dead! What a nice guy!
On top of this my brother disapproved of my son being involved in my mom's funeral and we had serious words about this. My son was very close to his grandma and prior to her memorial service we spent a great deal of time with clergy and school psychologist discussing what was appropriate for him....AND I must say for an elementary school boy he handled things magnificently.
We were also unable to publish my mother's obituary in the newspapers because of something one of my family members did in the past! Unbelievable!
Thank God I have strong program and let all of this roll off my back...after all confronting it would not really serve any higher purpose or resolve things. Believe me it was not easy.
I also had to manage my husband during this time. He is still in early recovery (10 months) and has not seen my family in many years. They blame him for his past and have not yet forgiven him-nor do they really understand his disease..BUT my husband was terrific. He had a plan and a very strong 12 step recovery in place. He had his phone with him at all times, stayed closed to people in his program, watched over our son, and was a tremendous support and strength for me.
After the service we all went to my uncles for meal and to receive visitors. Mark, God bless him, he had a plan....although he was there to be there for me, he had to put his sobriety and helping another alcoholic above all else. At my uncles there were a lot of open bottles of wine and alcohol around, it was too much for him. He talked to me and asked if I was OK with him leaving. YES I said, nothing comes before your sobriety...I love you.
Thank G-d for good recovery and thank G-d we love each other and have made it to this point together.
I am grieving a lot and I miss my mom terribly. Our son who was very close to her is also missing her terribly. I am grateful he has our clergy to talk with and help him deal with this, they have been amazing.
I spoke at my mom's memorial. These are some of the words I said " My mother and I shared a closeness and love for one another that many people are never lucky enough to have with a parent…much less with someone as special as her. I learned so much from my mother. The biggest of these gifts was the capacity to love deeply, see the good in people, believe in the healing power of love, never give up on them, and to forgive. My mom excelled at this and it was one of the many things that made her so wonderful. It is hard to come to grips with Alzheimer’s and see someone so vibrant and bright not remember you or the legacy of their life. To help deal with this I recited this prayer often over the years. It is a prayer for Understanding and Learning from "Dis" ease and Illness
Illness and Disease can be either a fence or a gate.
As a fence, it divides,
Keeping people either in or out.
While protection is important, and may be necessary at times,
There is beauty on both sides.
As a gate, it joins,
Opening up new vistas,
New friendships,
And new knowledge.
Illness and "Dis"ease are not what we would have chosen for ourselves,
But they are what we have in our or our loved ones' lives.
Let us learn to see the gateways it provides
And to move through them
As the truly beautiful Images of God that we can be
I also must mention that I recited this prayer every day at the waters edge for one year praying for my husbands recovery....It worked.
On another topic Mark is opening a new store for his company this week. VERY EXCITING and VERY HIGH PROFILE. The day before my mom died I called her and although she could not verbalize that she knew who I was or what I was saying, I know she understood. I told her that Mark was working, truly sober, and that our son was having the best year of his life...I know she was happy and relieved...and I know this gave her the strength to let go and move on to the next phase of her spiritual life. I believe this is a good thing and that she is in a good place and that our life is due to get better and better every day.....
I am tired. Just wanted to write as it has been a while.
Hunter
I am grateful to have a strong 12 step program and a husband who is truly sober and recovering mentally, spiritually, and physically and who is working.
I have had to deal with a family that is "nuts" for lack of a better word-my sister's husband never spoke a civil word to my mother, nor her to him, until she was mentally incapable of remembering. My sister, his wife, was the person who was given durable power of attny over my mothers affairs, and in effect he managed them with him over the years and continues to do so. This is hard for me as he hates me, in fact he did not say a word to me over the past few weeks except to tell me that in his eyes I am f-----g dead! What a nice guy!
On top of this my brother disapproved of my son being involved in my mom's funeral and we had serious words about this. My son was very close to his grandma and prior to her memorial service we spent a great deal of time with clergy and school psychologist discussing what was appropriate for him....AND I must say for an elementary school boy he handled things magnificently.
We were also unable to publish my mother's obituary in the newspapers because of something one of my family members did in the past! Unbelievable!
Thank God I have strong program and let all of this roll off my back...after all confronting it would not really serve any higher purpose or resolve things. Believe me it was not easy.
I also had to manage my husband during this time. He is still in early recovery (10 months) and has not seen my family in many years. They blame him for his past and have not yet forgiven him-nor do they really understand his disease..BUT my husband was terrific. He had a plan and a very strong 12 step recovery in place. He had his phone with him at all times, stayed closed to people in his program, watched over our son, and was a tremendous support and strength for me.
After the service we all went to my uncles for meal and to receive visitors. Mark, God bless him, he had a plan....although he was there to be there for me, he had to put his sobriety and helping another alcoholic above all else. At my uncles there were a lot of open bottles of wine and alcohol around, it was too much for him. He talked to me and asked if I was OK with him leaving. YES I said, nothing comes before your sobriety...I love you.
Thank G-d for good recovery and thank G-d we love each other and have made it to this point together.
I am grieving a lot and I miss my mom terribly. Our son who was very close to her is also missing her terribly. I am grateful he has our clergy to talk with and help him deal with this, they have been amazing.
I spoke at my mom's memorial. These are some of the words I said " My mother and I shared a closeness and love for one another that many people are never lucky enough to have with a parent…much less with someone as special as her. I learned so much from my mother. The biggest of these gifts was the capacity to love deeply, see the good in people, believe in the healing power of love, never give up on them, and to forgive. My mom excelled at this and it was one of the many things that made her so wonderful. It is hard to come to grips with Alzheimer’s and see someone so vibrant and bright not remember you or the legacy of their life. To help deal with this I recited this prayer often over the years. It is a prayer for Understanding and Learning from "Dis" ease and Illness
Illness and Disease can be either a fence or a gate.
As a fence, it divides,
Keeping people either in or out.
While protection is important, and may be necessary at times,
There is beauty on both sides.
As a gate, it joins,
Opening up new vistas,
New friendships,
And new knowledge.
Illness and "Dis"ease are not what we would have chosen for ourselves,
But they are what we have in our or our loved ones' lives.
Let us learn to see the gateways it provides
And to move through them
As the truly beautiful Images of God that we can be
I also must mention that I recited this prayer every day at the waters edge for one year praying for my husbands recovery....It worked.
On another topic Mark is opening a new store for his company this week. VERY EXCITING and VERY HIGH PROFILE. The day before my mom died I called her and although she could not verbalize that she knew who I was or what I was saying, I know she understood. I told her that Mark was working, truly sober, and that our son was having the best year of his life...I know she was happy and relieved...and I know this gave her the strength to let go and move on to the next phase of her spiritual life. I believe this is a good thing and that she is in a good place and that our life is due to get better and better every day.....
I am tired. Just wanted to write as it has been a while.
Hunter
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
"New Clothing"
I have been so busy and doing so much computer work that time spent blogging on the computer has not been a high priority. BUT documenting our life together in the first year of recovery is important....we have turned a major corner.
Mark celebrated 9 months of solid recovery last week. It is a miracle. Today I am a wife and mother for the first time in our marriage. I have a husband who is at work and not around the house. He is sober. He calls to tell me he loves me. There is a paycheck from him and opportunity for a future.....This is new clothing for me....I like it.but it takes some getting used to.
It also makes the not so nice parts of my life easier. that would include calling my mom and having her not be able to talk to me and not knowing who I am. that is a pain that will always hurt. But in my new clothes I hope I can afford to go and see her and hold her hand.
I recently shared these thoughts with a friend of mine who is a well known and highly respected therapist, author, and TV personality. She is someone I admire and love dearly. She called me inspiring, which coming from her is a supreme compliment. Her comments brought a tear to my eye and are as follows:
"Hunter, YOU are an amazing person. You have stood by Mark when others (including me) questioned whether this was the healthiest choice for you and your son. It is a blessing to hear that you are happy and feeling fulfilled. You deserve to have the man you love acknowledge you in such a positive and reaffirming way. You are intent on creating a healing environment and I am sure you will continue to do that. You are inspiring.
She also commented on my experience with my mom and her disease of alzheimers and reminded me that my journey through the dark path of addiction and the road of recovery with Mark has taught me how to handle many situations. She wrote as follows:
"There are many ways to “feel” another person. When those we love go into other places and spaces and we don’t feel we can access them in the familiar ways (phone calls, physical recognition, etc.) we wonder if they can feel us; sense us when we are there with them. I believe they get our energy and know on some level that they are still connected. It just may be a different way and on a different plane. It is not always obvious (maybe never) but we must recall we are felt by the person. You have a lot of experience with patience and believing in someone who is not able to receive you as you present yourself (that would be Mark.) Now you are experiencing this again in a different way. You can still send your mom calming energy and see herself feeling at peace in the state she is in."
So that is where things are today. Mark is working, doing something he loves, and has a good future. I am working 2 part time jobs. Still not being treated fairly at one and having some compensation problems with the other. BUT both are expanding my experience and skill set, both are giving me training in new media and new industries, and both are putting me on a path to earning a lot of money in the future.
As part of my new clothing I am also learning to say what I mean in a nice way and mean it. I have been uncomfortable with my new boss and his philosophy on compensation. I am a contract, hourly employee and if I make a mistake in my work he makes me correct it on my dime and not charge him. Sometimes this takes 4-5 hours and I don't think this is fair. BUT I have a huge opportunity down the road with him and in the industry that he is teaching me so for today I am willing to manage this. Sadly it has affected my work ethic and instead of working anytime night or day from home, weekends, and holidays, I am now only willing to invest a certain amount of time. His behavior has caused me to stop thinking and acting like an owner of the business and instead to behave like a contract employee who is expendable.......It boggles my mind that so many people are clueless at how to motivate people...But I do know that I have a voice and today I told my new boss that it took me 5 hours to redo a project and during the course of this I discovered errors that he made. I told him that I think it is fair for me to bill him for some of my time and told him I would bill him for 1 hour...I am still being overly generous here, but it was hard for me to ask for this and I am glad I did..I pray he is OK with it.......I do not like nickel and diming people and like it even less when they nickel and dime me....
What bout being able to take deep breaths....Today as we try out our new clothing we stil have major financial troubles, including a home in foreclosure and many unpaid bills. But today we do not have to change up soda cans to buy gas in the car and live off food stamps as there is some money coming in....I saw a movie last night called Conversations with God...It frightened me that my family was almost as bad off as the lead character who lost his home, lived in a tent and had to find food in dumpsters to eat...The main character wrote a book "Conversations with God" and received a million dollars advance and it became an overwhelming best seller. The message dealt wtih humility. When he got the money he helped those who were there for him and still poor, and in the end although he now had no more money troubles he was one with the homeless man he once was. I feel this message and I feel this character. I feel that our life will turn around and that money will not be an issue in the future. BUT I/we will always be one with the people we had to become when there was sickness and no money...Not everyone is like this, including my sister who I love dearly.
My sister is in charge of my mother's money since mom has Alzheimer's and is in later stages. Mom's philosophy was always to give to those in need and give whatever they needed. This is not my sisters. Her philosophy is that there are 4 children and everything should be distributed equally. My sister is a wonderful person and I love her very much but I have a problem with her attitude on this subject. It is not my place to take her inventory but I do know that I would be much more Godlike in my behavior it the tide was turned..She owns two homes outright and winters in one and summers in the other, her kids want for nothing, she and her husband drive new Mercedes or whatever car they want every 2 years and all their kids have new cars, she owns artwork worth millions, she has beautiful jewelry and can buy whatever she needs and most things she wants. My family has lived below the Federal poverty level for past few years.....during this time financial help from my family was denied and I was told I was already give too much..So instead she and my siblings each received distributions of 20,000.....IF I was in her position and she in mine I would have given her my share and been glad about it.....It boggles my mind.....
But I guess that is what my very hard experience has taught me and I guess that is why someone I greatly respect has called me an inspiration. I guess that is why I believe all will be OK and instead of freaking out I am calm and steady.
I like these new clothes and I like my Starbucks coffee that I can afford once again to treat myself to in the morning. I pray that financial abundance comes my my not because I worship money but because I believe in God and the good in the universe and want to give in every way I can...and on this earth money helps and enables me to help myself, my family, and many others.
Hunter
Mark celebrated 9 months of solid recovery last week. It is a miracle. Today I am a wife and mother for the first time in our marriage. I have a husband who is at work and not around the house. He is sober. He calls to tell me he loves me. There is a paycheck from him and opportunity for a future.....This is new clothing for me....I like it.but it takes some getting used to.
It also makes the not so nice parts of my life easier. that would include calling my mom and having her not be able to talk to me and not knowing who I am. that is a pain that will always hurt. But in my new clothes I hope I can afford to go and see her and hold her hand.
I recently shared these thoughts with a friend of mine who is a well known and highly respected therapist, author, and TV personality. She is someone I admire and love dearly. She called me inspiring, which coming from her is a supreme compliment. Her comments brought a tear to my eye and are as follows:
"Hunter, YOU are an amazing person. You have stood by Mark when others (including me) questioned whether this was the healthiest choice for you and your son. It is a blessing to hear that you are happy and feeling fulfilled. You deserve to have the man you love acknowledge you in such a positive and reaffirming way. You are intent on creating a healing environment and I am sure you will continue to do that. You are inspiring.
She also commented on my experience with my mom and her disease of alzheimers and reminded me that my journey through the dark path of addiction and the road of recovery with Mark has taught me how to handle many situations. She wrote as follows:
"There are many ways to “feel” another person. When those we love go into other places and spaces and we don’t feel we can access them in the familiar ways (phone calls, physical recognition, etc.) we wonder if they can feel us; sense us when we are there with them. I believe they get our energy and know on some level that they are still connected. It just may be a different way and on a different plane. It is not always obvious (maybe never) but we must recall we are felt by the person. You have a lot of experience with patience and believing in someone who is not able to receive you as you present yourself (that would be Mark.) Now you are experiencing this again in a different way. You can still send your mom calming energy and see herself feeling at peace in the state she is in."
So that is where things are today. Mark is working, doing something he loves, and has a good future. I am working 2 part time jobs. Still not being treated fairly at one and having some compensation problems with the other. BUT both are expanding my experience and skill set, both are giving me training in new media and new industries, and both are putting me on a path to earning a lot of money in the future.
As part of my new clothing I am also learning to say what I mean in a nice way and mean it. I have been uncomfortable with my new boss and his philosophy on compensation. I am a contract, hourly employee and if I make a mistake in my work he makes me correct it on my dime and not charge him. Sometimes this takes 4-5 hours and I don't think this is fair. BUT I have a huge opportunity down the road with him and in the industry that he is teaching me so for today I am willing to manage this. Sadly it has affected my work ethic and instead of working anytime night or day from home, weekends, and holidays, I am now only willing to invest a certain amount of time. His behavior has caused me to stop thinking and acting like an owner of the business and instead to behave like a contract employee who is expendable.......It boggles my mind that so many people are clueless at how to motivate people...But I do know that I have a voice and today I told my new boss that it took me 5 hours to redo a project and during the course of this I discovered errors that he made. I told him that I think it is fair for me to bill him for some of my time and told him I would bill him for 1 hour...I am still being overly generous here, but it was hard for me to ask for this and I am glad I did..I pray he is OK with it.......I do not like nickel and diming people and like it even less when they nickel and dime me....
What bout being able to take deep breaths....Today as we try out our new clothing we stil have major financial troubles, including a home in foreclosure and many unpaid bills. But today we do not have to change up soda cans to buy gas in the car and live off food stamps as there is some money coming in....I saw a movie last night called Conversations with God...It frightened me that my family was almost as bad off as the lead character who lost his home, lived in a tent and had to find food in dumpsters to eat...The main character wrote a book "Conversations with God" and received a million dollars advance and it became an overwhelming best seller. The message dealt wtih humility. When he got the money he helped those who were there for him and still poor, and in the end although he now had no more money troubles he was one with the homeless man he once was. I feel this message and I feel this character. I feel that our life will turn around and that money will not be an issue in the future. BUT I/we will always be one with the people we had to become when there was sickness and no money...Not everyone is like this, including my sister who I love dearly.
My sister is in charge of my mother's money since mom has Alzheimer's and is in later stages. Mom's philosophy was always to give to those in need and give whatever they needed. This is not my sisters. Her philosophy is that there are 4 children and everything should be distributed equally. My sister is a wonderful person and I love her very much but I have a problem with her attitude on this subject. It is not my place to take her inventory but I do know that I would be much more Godlike in my behavior it the tide was turned..She owns two homes outright and winters in one and summers in the other, her kids want for nothing, she and her husband drive new Mercedes or whatever car they want every 2 years and all their kids have new cars, she owns artwork worth millions, she has beautiful jewelry and can buy whatever she needs and most things she wants. My family has lived below the Federal poverty level for past few years.....during this time financial help from my family was denied and I was told I was already give too much..So instead she and my siblings each received distributions of 20,000.....IF I was in her position and she in mine I would have given her my share and been glad about it.....It boggles my mind.....
But I guess that is what my very hard experience has taught me and I guess that is why someone I greatly respect has called me an inspiration. I guess that is why I believe all will be OK and instead of freaking out I am calm and steady.
I like these new clothes and I like my Starbucks coffee that I can afford once again to treat myself to in the morning. I pray that financial abundance comes my my not because I worship money but because I believe in God and the good in the universe and want to give in every way I can...and on this earth money helps and enables me to help myself, my family, and many others.
Hunter
Friday, August 31, 2007
THE SINKING FEELING IN MY STOMACH UPON SEEING A POLICE CAR THIS MORNING ON MY STREET
Hello from Hunter. This morning as I took my son to the bus stop I saw a police car behind his school bus. My heart sunk through my stomach. Police cars used to be a regular fixture at our house during Mark's active days. Now, as we are clearing out the wreckage of the past and still haunted by financial problems and missed papers in the mail a police car scars the crap out of me. I never want anymore trouble-especially with the police. So when the police car went past my house and kept on moving a huge sigh of relief could be echoed by me throughout our homw.
Mark and I have both been so busy that neither of us has had time to blog. But important for quick update. Our behaviors continue to change in positive ways. Mark still acts out sometimes, especially as he is adjusting to a life transition of working-responsible living. He likes his work, does not make a lot of money but is doing something he loves...the money will come but he is not used to working and it is a transition. So, he takes his frustrations out on me-something he has been used to doing for some time during his active days and something I accepted (God knows why). Today I no longer accept verbal abuse and tirades and I have a voice to defend myself that is not shrill and shouting. It is a calm voice, one that says how I feel, one that rejects verbal abuse, and one that sets boundaries. I am proud of this. I am also grateful to see the one day at a time changes in Mark. He is becoming a better listener (not great yet) and acknowledges, upon reflection, when he has upset me, and I know is working toward getting better at expressing his feeling and identifying what they are.
Mark and I have both been so busy that neither of us has had time to blog. But important for quick update. Our behaviors continue to change in positive ways. Mark still acts out sometimes, especially as he is adjusting to a life transition of working-responsible living. He likes his work, does not make a lot of money but is doing something he loves...the money will come but he is not used to working and it is a transition. So, he takes his frustrations out on me-something he has been used to doing for some time during his active days and something I accepted (God knows why). Today I no longer accept verbal abuse and tirades and I have a voice to defend myself that is not shrill and shouting. It is a calm voice, one that says how I feel, one that rejects verbal abuse, and one that sets boundaries. I am proud of this. I am also grateful to see the one day at a time changes in Mark. He is becoming a better listener (not great yet) and acknowledges, upon reflection, when he has upset me, and I know is working toward getting better at expressing his feeling and identifying what they are.
I can not write more now, my eyes hurt from the computer. I am working 2 jobs and one is entirely dependent on the computer-a killer on the eyes. I have never had to work so many hours for so little money-I pray I can get back to where I was one day and do more challenging work.
Ok by for now. Very tired. Mark at a meeting toinight. I will gently remind him to blog soon. It has been a while.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
LIFE IF BECOMING MORE NORMAL-WHATEVER THAT HIS
Quick blog from Hunter..Here is where we are at today. I wake up to the sound of Mark on the phone working. YES!!! This is familiar to me as this is what my dad did, my uncle did, and all other successful business people I know. About time for him to be BACK on track.. It isg reat to see the sparkle in Mark's eye. Work is fun when you are doing something you like and appreciated...I am liking my second job a lot. I am appreciated in this job, unlike the other part time job I have. I still don't love the work but it is good for today..And best of all is that we don't have to return soda cans to find money to fill the car up with gas. Hard to believe we have lived this way but we have...it is scary.
ON another NORMAL note. My sister, and 2 nieces and one nephew-all in their 20's and 30's, except for my sister who is much older than me, came to our home for a family barbeque and reunion. This was the first time our famioy has done this as all my siblings are dysfunctional in one way or another. BUT their kids are GREAT. Getting all of us together minus one niece and her kids, one nephew and one sister, was amazing.AND best of all we ALL want to to it again next year. AND best of all it made a HUGE difference that my husband was sober. So all good on that front.
Anyway-I have to get to work as I only get paid by the hour and need the money.
later..
Hunter..
P.S. Some have asked if they acan post a link to our blog from theirs..ABSOLUTELY YES! Just let me know and when I don't feel so overwhelmed and technically challenged I will add yours to our blog.
ON another NORMAL note. My sister, and 2 nieces and one nephew-all in their 20's and 30's, except for my sister who is much older than me, came to our home for a family barbeque and reunion. This was the first time our famioy has done this as all my siblings are dysfunctional in one way or another. BUT their kids are GREAT. Getting all of us together minus one niece and her kids, one nephew and one sister, was amazing.AND best of all we ALL want to to it again next year. AND best of all it made a HUGE difference that my husband was sober. So all good on that front.
Anyway-I have to get to work as I only get paid by the hour and need the money.
later..
Hunter..
P.S. Some have asked if they acan post a link to our blog from theirs..ABSOLUTELY YES! Just let me know and when I don't feel so overwhelmed and technically challenged I will add yours to our blog.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
