My mom passed away

I lost my best friend and mother on Sept. 26th at 9:30 am. She had Alzheimer's and for several years was not able to completely be the vibrant, feisty, wonderful lady that I was proud to be related to but always she was someone I was proud to be related to and adored with all my heart and soul. She was lucky to live in her own home surrounded by wonderful caregivers and to never be in a nursing home or assisted living facility (yuck, I do not like those places).

I am grateful to have a strong 12 step program and a husband who is truly sober and recovering mentally, spiritually, and physically and who is working.

I have had to deal with a family that is "nuts" for lack of a better word-my sister's husband never spoke a civil word to my mother, nor her to him, until she was mentally incapable of remembering. My sister, his wife, was the person who was given durable power of attny over my mothers affairs, and in effect he managed them with him over the years and continues to do so. This is hard for me as he hates me, in fact he did not say a word to me over the past few weeks except to tell me that in his eyes I am f-----g dead! What a nice guy!

On top of this my brother disapproved of my son being involved in my mom's funeral and we had serious words about this. My son was very close to his grandma and prior to her memorial service we spent a great deal of time with clergy and school psychologist discussing what was appropriate for him....AND I must say for an elementary school boy he handled things magnificently.

We were also unable to publish my mother's obituary in the newspapers because of something one of my family members did in the past! Unbelievable!

Thank God I have strong program and let all of this roll off my back...after all confronting it would not really serve any higher purpose or resolve things. Believe me it was not easy.

I also had to manage my husband during this time. He is still in early recovery (10 months) and has not seen my family in many years. They blame him for his past and have not yet forgiven him-nor do they really understand his disease..BUT my husband was terrific. He had a plan and a very strong 12 step recovery in place. He had his phone with him at all times, stayed closed to people in his program, watched over our son, and was a tremendous support and strength for me.

After the service we all went to my uncles for meal and to receive visitors. Mark, God bless him, he had a plan....although he was there to be there for me, he had to put his sobriety and helping another alcoholic above all else. At my uncles there were a lot of open bottles of wine and alcohol around, it was too much for him. He talked to me and asked if I was OK with him leaving. YES I said, nothing comes before your sobriety...I love you.

Thank G-d for good recovery and thank G-d we love each other and have made it to this point together.

I am grieving a lot and I miss my mom terribly. Our son who was very close to her is also missing her terribly. I am grateful he has our clergy to talk with and help him deal with this, they have been amazing.

I spoke at my mom's memorial. These are some of the words I said " My mother and I shared a closeness and love for one another that many people are never lucky enough to have with a parent…much less with someone as special as her. I learned so much from my mother. The biggest of these gifts was the capacity to love deeply, see the good in people, believe in the healing power of love, never give up on them, and to forgive. My mom excelled at this and it was one of the many things that made her so wonderful. It is hard to come to grips with Alzheimer’s and see someone so vibrant and bright not remember you or the legacy of their life. To help deal with this I recited this prayer often over the years. It is a prayer for Understanding and Learning from "Dis" ease and Illness

Illness and Disease can be either a fence or a gate.

As a fence, it divides,
Keeping people either in or out.

While protection is important, and may be necessary at times,
There is beauty on both sides.

As a gate, it joins,
Opening up new vistas,
New friendships,
And new knowledge.

Illness and "Dis"ease are not what we would have chosen for ourselves,
But they are what we have in our or our loved ones' lives.
Let us learn to see the gateways it provides
And to move through them
As the truly beautiful Images of God that we can be

I also must mention that I recited this prayer every day at the waters edge for one year praying for my husbands recovery....It worked.

On another topic Mark is opening a new store for his company this week. VERY EXCITING and VERY HIGH PROFILE. The day before my mom died I called her and although she could not verbalize that she knew who I was or what I was saying, I know she understood. I told her that Mark was working, truly sober, and that our son was having the best year of his life...I know she was happy and relieved...and I know this gave her the strength to let go and move on to the next phase of her spiritual life. I believe this is a good thing and that she is in a good place and that our life is due to get better and better every day.....

I am tired. Just wanted to write as it has been a while.

Hunter