riding with music in nature

Mark Alcoholic ,

Sorry it has been a while. I have been very busy with meetings and recovery. I know my wife wants me to blog about all kinds of stuff but the fact is I am a very chronic relapser and I can't go back to that ever!

I was told many times that recovery is the single most important thing today in my life and that if I stay on track everything will fall into place and the promises will come true. I don't know if that's true...all I do know is I must stay strong, have faith, and trust in my sponsor and those who have gone before me. I do know I don't want the old ways back.

There is tremendous struggle in our life and I am amazed we are still married but like my wife I do believe in sickness and in health and it's about working it out. Believe me I did not plan this way of life at my age. I want to be the provider and a good man. My sponsor tells me its all about time! My wife tells me it's about time!!!!

I ride my bike to all my meetings and I really enjoy the freedom riding in the summer, the breeze, and the smells of nature...all things I never enjoyed when active ! I play my music on the ipod and I sing along. I am sure many people I ride past think I am nuts. I am just an alcoholic on a bike going to a meeting. That's all I am today and I am proud of it.

It really is a wonderful feeling being truly sober. I am much healthier and I am now back to playing tennis. The recovery process is a long one. One of our famous members shared this morning that it takes a full 7 years for the body's cells to be fully changed. This means that there will not be an alcoholic cell will be in the body after 7 years, but I will always be an alcoholic! So I am going to keep going.

Tomorrow is my birthday and on this exact day last year I was being admitted to Arms Acres Rehab for detox. Tomorrow I will be on my bike in recovery and on my way to my big book meeting. That's the promises and that's a bloody miracle.

Thanks ,

Mark Alcoholic...Don't quit before the miracle!.

NORMAL

Many would find it hard to believe that if feels amazing to be "normal". To have the calmness in the house and in my head to get up and make lunch for my son, take him to camp, pick him up, cook dinner for my family and sit down as a family to eat it and not have any craziness or screaming and yelling or chaos. NORMAL. I LOVE living a NORMAL life and can't wait for teh next chapter in normalcy-hopefully this will include financial security!

Peace and Love,

Hunter

Getting on with Life

Hello from Hunter-

Interesting that mark blogs more about his recovery and less about our relationship. He is so very sensitive and overreacts to everything. I am aware that he is in conflict and so is he as he appologizes frequently. IN some ways this reminds me of the drinking days when he used to appologize every morning and say he does not not want to drink and then fall apart duringthe day. BUt I know this is different as I know he is truly focused on his recovery, is changing slowly each day, and recovery takes time. I ask myself a lot why I want to stick this out. I believe in marriage and "in sickness and in health". He is on the road to health and I have stuck by him all this time...I will continue to as I love him and he is a good man. BUt it is not easy and recovery takes time.....

I am grateful for the more peaceful environment we now have at home and I am seeing behavior in our son that needs to be dealt with. Today the house is calm enough to deal with it....BUt Mark still acts out and it is upsetting to me and our son and has to be dealt with...Our son has had poor role models in terms of anger and expressing needs for most of his life and it is now time to work on undoing this damage.

This is the type of damage that kids who live with active addicts-alcoholics or drug addicts are subject to. I learned recently that 1 i 4 children under the age of 18 live in a house where there is alcoholism or drug abuse. It is a huge problem and is not given enough attention. Recently I have started volunteering with a non-profit called NaCoa (National Council for Children of Alcoholics www.nacoa.org). NaCoa's mission is to help raise awareness and provide the education, tools and resources to help kids cope, survive, and thrive through this kind of situation. One big area is to help these kids concentrate and do well in school and to help them not repeat this addictive behavior themselves. I am going organized a road race or marathon in the Northeast where the group does not have a presence and am very excited about this project. Mark too is going to get involved and we are going to enlist support an dpartidipation of the many people in AA, Alanon, and Alateen taht we know.

More later....Hunter

adversity in sobriety

Mark Alcoholic.

Good week tons of meetings no drinking ,strange I don't drink any more ,got arrested no problem something from last year failure to appear really just dealt with it sober ,its a good feeling.

I know I am starting to understand recovery I really have taken the personalities out of recovery and I stay in touch with the programme,the big book ,the steps,prey and meditate ,it works if you work it ,there are to many movie stars to many opinions for this simple programme that's how I do it.

I really have started to believe that this is a new way of living for today!I have seen so much devastation again this week families seizures this is a very serious disease and AA is teaching me to handle it and teaching me how to live.

I still need to be very aware that I am as close to a drink as anybody else and I cannot afford to relapse ,I am not bullet proof I am in recovery and I am granted a daily reprieve from drinking and I must remember the old days !

Thanks Mark Alcoholic.

BUMPS ALONG THE ROAD

I got a call from Mark this morning from the county jail. Apparently last year when he was drunk and in a blackout he was arrested for disorderly conduct and failed to appear in court. Bond is $500. Thank God he called his sponsor first and not me. And thank God his sponsor can afford to bail him out. I feel really sad that this is happening, but it truly has nothing to do with me.

I called the police station to let Mark know I got his message. It is a weird feeling to have the officer who answered the phone know me and remember coming out to my house! It is horrible to remember all the times that happened. It is also a bit eerie for the police to know that if mark was still drinking I would have thrown him out.

It was wonderful to say to the officer that Mark is 7 months sober and a miracle and to share with him how wonderful our son is doing. It was also wonderful to hear the calmness in Mark's voice when he spoke to me from the jail. Responsible and accepting the consequences of his actions and this dreadful disease.

I shared this experience with my sponsor and in her words "Sobriety is a SHI& STORM for everyone! Thank God for all that is good. He will be fine. He has to face the music before he can really enjoy it. Its all part of the plan..."

I am grateful that things are moving in the right direction...I just pray our financial house comes together very very very very soon before we lose everything.

Hunter

CROSSROADS

Getting unstuck is life's journey and part of recovery. Living with a recovering alcohlic is not easy. The anger is so very hard to deal with. I do realize that in my recovery I have let go of a huge anger problem I had. I have learned to "roll with the punches" and not get bogged down in why or why not something happened. I do my best to use each experience as a learning experience and move on. I have also learned that I will not accept unacceptable behavior. I taught our son recently a trick I learned in alanon about dealing with alcoholics-it says that when the crazy part of an alcohlic flies into a rage we should picture them as someone in an insane asylum with bars in front of them. He has started to do this when his dad rages...It has helped..especially because he loves his dad so much and can't understand the evil side. I too have a hard time as Mark treats me like a piece of dirt with his anger. He rages at me, accuses me of being horrible and unloving. If I took him seriously I would be a basket case-and was for many years. I am NOT unloving or horrible. I have stuck by mark through thick and thin. I am GOOD wife and a good woman and I deserve to be loved and treated as such. So I don't buy into his rages and I keep the focus on me. He is in early recovery still and has a lot to deal with. I am in a new phase of recovry for me and must focus on me, my goals as aperson, and my recovery. I need to work but I need to do what will work for me. That is something that is local, no commuting and no trafffic and little travel-and financially rewarding enough to allow me to travel and enjoy life. I am doing a lot of owrk on this as a result of a workshop I recently attended.....Working on this is taking away from my blogging time....but I will share tidbits as they come up. Today's tidbits-affirmations...Positive statements about ourselves that we repeat and visualize really work.....

keep the faith

Mark Alcoholic,

I must continue with my recovery. This is a very tricky time for me. I am enjoying being sober but as always I want more and I want it now .

I am working my program but I am not a spring chicken and I have much to offer the business world ,unfortunately at this moment in time it is not to be.

I have to keep the faith and continue to believe God has a plan for me although I am also Great believer in time waits for no man and you can pray to God but you must also row to shore .

I hate waiting and having my life in other peoples hands. This is a program of action and I must do more as I continue with this journey !

I had a nice weekend with my wife and son and for that I am grateful but there is more to be done and I must take more action. I am responsible for my own sobriety and I am also responsible for my own life and future and when I stand before my maker I am responsible for how I have chosen to run my life .

Thanks Mark Alcoholic.