Why Stay Together

Hello from Hunter-

I often wonder why I have chosen to stay in an alcoholic relationship and why I have put up with so many horrible things over the years. Love and the desire for companionship are the clear answers. Finding love is not easy and I am a firm believer that all the baggage one brings to a relationship will carry over to the next on unless one learns to deal with it within a relationship.

With all the hardship and other issues Mark and I have been through in this road through addiction and recovery I know inside that this journey of recovery is teaching us both new tools for communication and for building the foundation of a deep relationship that can be more loving and committed than anything either of us could ever imagine.

You see I have always been rigorously honest and trusting to the point of naivety....Mark, in his addiction has been the opposite. As Mark learns to practice rigorous honesty on a daily basis and control his anger and emotions I have learned and continue to learn, that naivety and trust is something that has to be earned and I am learning to practice this in all my affairs-as I believe it has hurt me in friendships and in business as well as in my relationships. I grew up wearing my heart on my sleeve, believed that yelling and screaming and anger was how people communicated-as this is what I saw in my home-and did not know how to set or observe boundaries. How much I have learned.

I don't want to be lonely and I married a person who is a good person...Unfortunately he suffers from a horrible disease which is more mental than anything else. Fortunately, his commitment to AA offers him the chance to get better and to actually be the wonderful person he is within.

We have both learned new tools for communication that are working. Often Mark comes to sit and talk with me. This is so foreign to me that I really don't know what to do. It is normal and wonderful...but I don't know from normal, peaceful and calm. I do know that I like it and look forward to developing new skills to enjoy these moments and experience more of them.

I am grateful that we have made it together and that we are committed to continue on this journey.....All the problems I have written about are still there but I do believe things will get better.

Enjoy the weekend-Hunter