TIRED

I am tired. Actually exhausted is a better word. Not from good stuff but from the chaos of Mark's disease. He is doing better and I am grateful he is at an AA meeting now working on his sobriety. But for me it is truly exhausting.

He has an interview tomorrow and I wish him luck. I have two interviews this week. One at the place I currently am working part time to head up a new venture and another is a call back for a fantastic and lucrative position. After all I have been through, and am going through, it would be amazing to be in position to have two jobs to choose from...I really only need one, and if I get one I will be able to save my home and take care of paying bills and restoring my credit....If mark gets one too, that will be a miracle and then perhaps we can even put some money away in savings! Now that would be different.

As for my relationship with Mark, it is as good as can be expected under the circumstances. I don't believe Mark expresses himself as well as he needs to in order to be understood by me and those around him. This leads him to lie in some situations and in other situations it leads him to disappointment. He questions, as do I, the wisdom of his sponsor when it comes to getting work. Today Mark was excited about his job interview and his sponsor told him that if he is offered the job and it interferes with his meeting schedule he should not take it...He also said that if the job was for a lot of money he should also not take it as this will make him slip! I am not an alcoholic but I do know that Mark needs to work, not just for the money but for his head. At this point I believe he knows that he must continue to go to meetings and I believe he knows that he can always find a meeting to go to that coordinates with whatever work schedule he has. Mark is frustrated with his sponsor and he needs to clear the air. I think this is true also of our relationship...We dont' know how to talk to each other. Mark is angry, defensive, and sarcastic much of the time and I believe has no respect for me. I am quiet about most things and do not do a good job setting boundaries.

School ends this week. I pray that this is a good week on the job front and that things turn around for our family and that perhaps with a lot of luck we can save our home, get back on track, and maybe even be able take a much needed vacation for a few days.

THANK YOU ALL for keeping us in your prayers...Prayers are powerful and whatever you send out, always comes back to you in wonderful dividends. Along this trend of thought I thought I'd share today's Though for the Day from Hazelden.

"Today's thought from Hazelden is:It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.-- Chinese Proverb

With all the negativity that surrounds us, it is easy to become overwhelmed. It is also tempting to fight against the negative or to declare war on it. Yet a master teacher offered a better way: "Resist not evil, but overcome evil with good."Imagine you are in a dark room. Wanting the darkness to leave, you curse and fight against it. But no matter how much effort you make, the darkness remains. Turn on the light switch, however, and the night vanishes in an instant.In a similar manner, when the light of truth is shed on a situation, fear and disharmony dissolve. When you send out a positive thought to another person or take a constructive action, an enormous amount of good is accomplished. Each good act begets another until a network of love and light is created.The purpose of life is to reflect this light into places that are dark. Let your light shine and stay focused on the power of love. When enough of us have turned on our spiritual light switches, the earth will become as bright as a shining star. Where, then, could darkness dwell? "

Until tomorrow.

Hunter

P.S. Also with a bit of luck maybe Mark will blog..He is angry at me today as his DWI case has been postponed again in court and he still blames me for his DWI...Yes I did call the police when he sped away from a kids sporting event in a car intoxicated..But I was NOT the person driving drunk, or as Mark calls it "over the legal limit"...he still insists he was not drunk...DENIAL is a powerful thing...VERY VERY powerful.