King baby

Mark alcoholic,

It has been a strange day for me today and boy have I been acting out. But I have also been to a lot of meetings ,thank God!

The disease wants us all to drink. I used to think that was total rubbish. I now know differently. I have seen yet another friend drink after 13 years...what a disaster! We all today, if we did not pick up, have been sober today for the first time together on June 12Th 2007 !

I started my day with my regular movie star meeting at 7.30. My real alcoholic friends who do not go to this one call it the Rolex meeting. Let me tell you something I know for a fact this disease does not care what you wear, what house you live in, or how much money you have. Alcoholism effects us all just the same.

I was asked to speak at a lunch time meeting today. I checked with my sponsor and he told me to go it as it is great for my recovery. I have spoken before and I really enjoy it. Today I spoke at a meeting I used to go to when I was actively drinking. The meeting was full of old timers with great wisdom but the underlying topic when I share is simple denial! Some old timers are very emphatic about the fact that the first drink gets you drunk. It is almost impossible for non alcoholics to understand but it is the obsession/compulsion that will set in with that first drink that kills you. And if I don't stay vigilant it will get me any time.

Later in the day I went to another meeting and the topic was being uncomfortable in sobriety. Everyone in recovery has to learn to live with a new set of tools and beliefs. I know for today I am doing the right thing. I do have a tremendous amount of work to do on myself. A friend of mine in town tells me often that the biggest battle I will fight and may never win is the one with myself!

I will continue to blog and for those of you that are kind enough to comment I want you to know that your comments really help me to continue blogging. At the lunch time meeting a mate of mine said I would make a great intervention expert. Maybe one day but I think for now I will continue intervening myself! Right now I have enough to do. Of course if any one wants help with 12 step work I will be always available as I can now see how it keeps me sober to help other alcoholics.

Every day brings new challenges and many problems but the bottom line is the issues will still be there drunk or sober at least sober you are aware of them and able to deal on a sober basis to the best of your ability.

I still remain very optimistic about the future if I continue to take my recovery very seriously I am going to know a whole new life and way of living. What a gift to be able to truly live again free from the bondage of alcohol and to start to be able to deal with life on life's terms.

I am still acting out a lot and put my wife through hell. I really don't mean to. It is not me, it is my disease. My son calls it my dark side and I really hate it. I am a kind loving guy and I am emerging from a life threatening disease. My memories are clearer and my resentments towards alcohol and must be lifted. Resentments are a serious relapse problem and we don't want that do we!

What truly keeps me going is faith, determination, the program, and the fellowship of AA. I TRULY HOPE THIS BLOG IS HELPING OTHERS IT CERTAINLY HELPS ME ! My guys in AA don't like that I blog. They think it is a dangerous place, this information highway. But I choose do this. I am not doctor Phil but I would be more than happy to go on TV and breach my anonymity to discuss the disease and share all I have learned. It would be my pleasure to let the world know how serious this epidemic is and that there is a daily reprieve, not a cure, with AA. So I am going to keep coming, keep blogging, and start living, one day at a time! .

Thanks for letting me back into whatever part of recovery you or your family and friends are going through and remember we are all worth it!

All the best ,until tomorrow.

Mark alcoholic.