dont quit before the miracle

MARK ALCOHOLIC.

Time goes on and time takes time. What the hell does it all mean? I had no intention of being in this AA thing ten years ago and I don't know if I belong today. The problem with the alcoholic mind is that we believe one day we will be able to return to normal drinking ! And the more time you get the more you think that is possible.

The purpose of my AA training, I will call it training, is that I must continue to crush that theory one day at a time. I have not met anyone who has returned to safe normal drinking. In fact there is a picture of Dr Bob and Bill Wilson with a blank space in the middle reserved for the first person that does return to normal drinking. It has never been filled.

This is silly talk I will never be able to drink as normal people do. I am having ups and downs and I am told by my sponsor I am where I am supposed to be, not drinking, going to meetings, and going broke? !!

I am now starting to question some of the wisdom. I must work for my continued sobriety as well as to take care of my family. I will keep you posted as I continue the efforts it has been frustrating so far but it will get better.

I am not big on its in Gods hands, pass it over, let it go...I think the program can be contradictory because then I am told this is a program of action !

Anyway I am not going to Analyze anymore I am just going to move on.

I have been to three meetings today. The lunch time meeting was wild. it was a speaker meeting. A priest who I know told the most amazing story which I will not get into. It was not sexual but just when you thought you had heard it all ,WOW ,what a disease! Also at the meeting was a very famous actor. As I said yesterday this disease takes no prisoners and effects anybody no matter who you are.

I am alone tonight with my son as my wife is running an Alanon meeting. I am very proud of her for that. She is very tired as she was up early for a good job interview in the city. I am sure she will keep you all posted that's her stuff. She really deserves a break!.

So tomorrow I will start my day with a big book meeting and then start more job searching ,dealing with the daily chores of recovery and try hard to stay centered. Recovery is tough as alcohol is everywhere. I continue to learn daily about why this alcoholic must stay away from the first drink and I must stay vigilant or I am done for .

Remember you only have to do this one day at a time !

GOOD NIGHT AND GOD BLESS.

MARK ALCOHOLIC.