GOOD DAYS

OK It is Hunter again..Step one tells us to admit we are powerless over people, places, and things. So I am powerless over mark writing a daily blog...I wish he would but it is up to him to do so.

Where am I today? I have really solid program that helps me in all my affairs. It does not make my life perfect but it makes it manageable. I am still nervous about finances and frustrated at my inablitiy to get hired for jobs...But I do believe there is a plan and hte right thing will happen..Gods watch is on a completely different time zone than mine and VERY slow. BUT I feel God more and more each day.

Last year at this time I was working as a recruiter and HATED it! I did not like the person I worked for AND I was so overwhelmed with the chaous of alcoholism that I could not think straight. Mark was living in the Hamptons and DRUNK most of the time. Our son was in turmoil needing me so and so sad about not having a dad who could be there for him. Last year at this time I remember getting drunk and abusive phone calls and I remember Mark telling us he was an extra in SPiderman 3 always sounding drunk...I remember the house getting broken into and valuable things special to me stolen and the only suspect being mark-I have no idea why I put up with this behaviour other than to say that I too was very sick....I never want to go back to those days ever.

Today- we do everything as a family. Mark comes to school functions, he leads AA meetings and is devoted to his program, our son is happy and has a daddy who is there for him with a clear head and so much more. Mark and I are working together to rebuild the trust that has been shattered by alcoholism and things are getting better..I feel blessed for this.

There is still a lot of mistrust and wreckage of the past to clean up...ALl is happening slowly. A lot of it revolves around money,..I pray it gets straightened out. In fact there are some major issues I need to discuss with mark as soon as he returns from his meeting and I am dreading teh discussion. I think his voice will raise above a normal tone and he will flail about and nothing will get resolved...I am praying for guidance as I write this and praying that I say things in a way that Mark hears and responds appropriately to, not with anger and stupidity. . I have tremendous anxiety and anger as mark has a history of lying to me about money and I fear he is doing this once again.I pray I can handle it.

OK Mark has come home and we have had our discussion. He can read me like a book! He came home and told me he ran the most incredible AA meeting ever and hat people were really inspired. He shared that he talked a lot about honesty and living a good life and as he was talking he asked me what was wrong. The guidance I prayed for was there. I told him what was on my mind and we had an honest non-confrontational discussion. It still makes me a bit wary when we have these kinds of talks but they are much better than a year ago.

Mark reminded me of today's Hazelden, which is below....He also remarked that our conversation about money was handled according to the words in this reading-principles above people. He then reminded me that he needs to blog today-you see I am powerless over people places and things...BUT I CAN ASK FOR GUIDANCE AND PRAY....It really does work!

Today's Hazelden:

"Today's thought from Hazelden is: The best outcome is just and
equitable.Principle over Personality -

Looking ahead to this day, I may face a possible conflict with another
person over a certain issue. How should I respond to this?

If I'm to follow my principles, I should hold to the idea of seeking the best outcome for everybody concerned.
It may be very harmful to look at these conflicts as a case of
winning or losing. If I seem to win when I'm wrong, I will lose in the long run.
If I seem to lose even when I'm right, I can know that there's a just resolution
of everything in time. I will always win, however, if I keep my thinking
straight and take care to avoid resentment and bitterness.It's not
surprising that the world is beset by conflicts.

Millions of people have conditioned themselves to selfish ways of thinking and behaving that are bound to cause such conflicts. Much harm is done by people who are absolutely sure they are right at all times.

As human beings, we cannot expect to be excluded from these conflicts
simply because we have a Twelve Step program. We do, however, have a means of
dealing with such conflicts effectively when we respond according to principle.
This makes us privileged people, in a way, but it is good to know that any
person can have the same privileges by following the right principles.Unpleasant
as any conflict may seem, it does give me an opportunity to learn and to grow. I
will seek to benefit from any such conflict today."