working on myself

I am Mark alcoholic. Seems that people miss me when I don't blog. Sorry for the delay.

I think my journey is to be long. I hear plenty of people telling my wife I am near a slip in resopnse to her blog posts because of my attitude and anger. I do not believe there is anything today that will make me drink, today, one day at a time. I should know better by now!!!!! I am by no means immune from my disease but my daily meetings, readings and constant contact with my sponsors is a great way of staying sober.

My big issues are to become more tolerant and calmer. This is the work on myself I need to do. I have spent years beating myself up and running away from myself. As long as I don't drink and stay focussed on my program of recovery all will become better. I can see some improvements and progress everyday that I don't drink.

Most people will always focus on the worst part of a person I just have to pray that I find the good in myself as I finish step 4 this week. I know it's in me to win my life back. I have the tools, the desire, and the passion. I also have team AA on my side the real gift of god as my captain.

As I deal with daily recovery I come across all kinds of characters. Some new, some old, some sober, and some still drunk. All these character's keep this alcoholic sober one day at a time .

I have a new sponsor whom I really respect and he keeps it simple. He always asks the following question: Did you drink today Mark? I answer an honest no! He then answers: 'Then you are having a good day.

I don't understand all of Alanon. I do know that it has helped my wife a great deal and for that I am grateful. She is doing well dealing with me....If I were in her shoes I would have dumped me some time ago!!!! THANK GOD FOR MY WIFE HUNTE!.

Today I was able to spend the afternoon with my son watching his team win baseball 21 to 19 and not worry about stinking of alcohol, running off for a beer in the portaloo, acting out and planning my schemes for the weekend of hiding my drinks, and other things revolving around drinking. What a nightmare I lived through!!!.

I will never be free of my past. It is part of my make up and who I am. There are parts I would change and things I would have done differently..wouldn't we all ? But today I have the gift of sobriety. For me this gift is mine for the keeping. It is hard work but it is also saving my life. When I stand before my creator one day it is me and nobody else who will have been responsible for my life and how I chose to live it .

Tired now and tomorrow is Sunday. I will be back to backing meetings the 7.30 am men's open discussion and the first summer meeting on the beach at 8.30 so I will have a good start to the day .

I have a very exciting future if I don't drink. I have responsibilities to my family and I want to be a great dad and a great husband. All of this is possible if I follow the instructions and learn daily about the new me. Now that's interesting! !!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for letting me share .

Mark alcoholic.