Just for Today

Hello from Hunter-

Just for today it is sunny and 70 degrees...It was like this yesterday as well. I am going for a walk with the dog and then taking our son and a friend of his to the beach. mark will probably come but it is hard for him as he associates this activity iwth drinking.. hard for me to get in the mind of an alcoholic who romances alcohol and associates fun with "a nice glass of champagne or wine". Personally, the thought of a drink in the middle of a beautiful afternoon makes me want to puke. It gives me a headache, makes me tired and ruins the rest of the day as I become immobilized. How on earth can anyone can romance that and think how wonderful it is boggles my mind! Anyway, where am I at today? I am lazy.. This is a beautiful day and I should have had the house cleaned and been out and active exercising, swimming, and having fun. But no, I am in my pajamas at 12:15, our son is in his room playing games, and I am writing this blog. I have scanned the job boards looking for work but and decided not to send any resumes today. I am fed up with the process. I am always rejected! I am grateful for Mark's sobriety. He says it is hard for him to always put on a front of how good he is doing and he is starting to really feel his emotions. I guess in many ways it is hard for me to put on a front as well. I have a lot on my plate to deal with as well. So if I am a little lazy these days I forgive myself and let it be OK. I am functioning and my family is much better than they were a year ago. There is hope and a future. I pray the financial situation straightens out soon as it is a constant worry and strain to me. We live in an amazing town with a beautiful beach. In the summer we have access to a town pool, town golf course, and wonderful summer programs for the kids.. Because of our financial situation our town helps take care of us. We have been given free beach and pool passes for the summer and our son has been enrolled in camp, tennis, basketball and baseball clinics, and golf lessons courtesy of the town. That is amazing to me and I dream of one day giving a huge donation back to this town to thank them for all hey have done to help make our life better and to help the town help others in the same way. I pray that this dream can become a reality.

My husband just returned from visiting an AA friend and shared with me a very funny story: A 10 year old child of a recovering alcoholic was in the post office with his mom and saw a wanted poster. The child remarked "mommy if they wanted that person so badly why didn't they arrest him when they took his picture?" Great question. Mark said this story was used as an analogy for him in recovery...Recovering alcoholics are the people in the wanted posters they are wanted by their disease of alcoholism. The analogy is like that of a fugitive on the run. For their entire lives in recovery they will always be on the run from their disease of alcoholism-and alcohol will be trying to arrest them every chance it gets..Cunning, baffling, and powerful.

Not easy to live with a recovering addict and not easy to understand what they are going through. I am glad that Mark appreciates me and acknowledges more and more each day how lucky he is that I have stood by him.

OK time to run..the beach awaits and we are going as a family...All of us sober and all of us to have fun.

Hunter.

Hunter