A FAMILY IN RECOVERY: keep blogging

Monday, August 13, 2007

keep blogging

Mark still an Alcoholic

I have almost given up on my blogging but I must remember that it is important to stay in touch so others can join me in my recovery ,you know it is not good not to blog just because things are starting to go well so I make amends to all and will tell you my recent experience strenght and hope.

As you know I am a chronic relapser !good news I am still sober I have attended daily meetings at least two a day . I am doing well with recovery and I am now working and that is a miracle!

Let me tell you what I am doing I am working for a company run by people in recovery a true gift I wont use the name yet ,we worked with recycled luxury product and the ultimate profit goes to a twelve step programme .

I think the hardest thing for me to deal with is living in the real world ,the first event I was at was a booze fest I am extremely fortunate that my boss is in recovery and other fellows in my meetings were at the event.I have had the obsession lifted from me but I must never forget I am still as close to a drink as when I stooped .

The meetings in the bank are great but it is deadly important that I continue with daily meetings .My recovery has to come first and working with other recovering people is great my direct boss the president of the company is in recovery and he understands me .I have been running a lot of meetings lately and I have many commitments to the programme ,I truly enjoy my recovery and I am blessed with new beginnings .I am however reminded daily by Hunter that the damage needs to be delt with I think this is truly a problem for recovery as you have to take responsibility for your actions and that's tough.

I am starting to get a little grounded and some serenity however I do still act out and need to work with my sponsor although he is a moody bastard to learn to live ,understand and be aware of others .

The true gift is knowing I don't have to drink any more and that I have a plan that my higher power is running and not me it seems to work better that way. The real gift is in the family recovery and the making of new friends which is great when I was drinking I really did not have any true friends. Friends from the rooms bring me lunch ,coffee we talk and we are all smart guys it really amazes me what happens to the great minds when we put poison in the system.

I am going to break now because I am at work what a great thing I have many more things to tell but most of all try for today not to pick up that first drink!its that one that starts the chaos!

Thanks Mark alcoholic!

2 comments:

Scott M. Frey said...: Mark, I am sooo glad you have the understanding of how important it is to continue with meetings, and to continue with recovery efforts ESPECIALLY when things are going well. The good times can be just as, if not more slippery than the challenging times.

Awesome that your HP found you a gig with some recovering people, that's just great! Keep doing what you're doing Mark!

God Bless!; August 29, 2007 at 4:44 AM
Unknown said...: About 3 years ago I dropped into a black hole – four months of absolute terror. I wanted to end my life, but somehow [Holy Spirit], I reached out to a friend who took me to hospital. I had three visits [hospital] in four months – I actually thought I was in hell. I imagine I was going through some sort of metamorphosis [mental, physical & spiritual]. I had been seeing a therapist [1994] on a regular basis, up until this point in time. I actually thought I would be locked away – but the hospital staffs were very supportive [I had no control over my process]. I was released from hospital 16th September 1994, but my fear, pain & shame had only subsided a little. I remember this particular morning waking up [home] & my process would start up again [fear, pain, & shame]. No one could help me, not even my therapist [I was terrified]. I asked Jesus Christ to have mercy on me & forgive me my sins. Slowly, all my fear has dissipated & I believe Jesus delivered me from my “psychological prison.” I am a practicing Catholic & the Holy Spirit is my friend & strength; every day since then has been a joy & blessing. I deserve to go to hell for the life I have led, but Jesus through His sacrifice on the cross, delivered me from my inequities. John 3: 8, John 15: 26, are verses I can relate to, organically. He’s a real person who is with me all the time. I have so much joy & peace in my life, today, after a childhood spent in orphanages [England & Australia]. God LOVES me so much. Fear, pain, & shame, are no longer my constant companions. I just wanted to share my experience with you [Luke 8: 16 – 17].
THE 12 STEPS DOWN TO Hell
I imagine 12 Step recovery programs are a slow slide into the jaws of Satan. I was involved with this evil “satanic cult” [AA] for over 30 years but was saved through the power of Jesus Christ. He directed me to a therapist who was into “real” recovery, not the mind destroying, soul destroying, cult, which is AA. I have met two Steppers recently & I imagine they are completely devoid of any emotion or insight. I feel pain because both these men are decent human beings but AA has destroyed their individuality & they have no idea how to relate apart from expounding AA propaganda. I imagine Hell to be a continuous flow of AA meetings without any light at the end of the tunnel because one never recovers'. I beg you people who are in 12 Step programs, to get out before it is too late.
How does one recover when one is handing one’s power over to AA. The 12 Steps were written out of Wilson’s head, he certainly didn’t get his guidance from the Bible. I imagine he was an agent of Satan & he & Smith’s “cult religion” has filled millions of Steppers with their anti - Christ propaganda.
Step Three of AA is "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him." While many in the Oxford Group placed their faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour, there was much leeway given. Shoemaker, a leader of the Oxford Group, says, "The true meaning of faith is self-surrender to God." He further explains:
Surrender to whatever you know about Him, or believe must be the truth about Him. Surrender to Him, if necessary, in total ignorance of Him. Far more important that you touch Him than that you understand Him at first. Put yourself in His hands. Whatever He is, as William James said, He is more ideal than we are. Make the leap. Give yourself to Him.
Aside from capitalizing the "H," which Christians do to refer to the God of the Bible, "Him" could refer to any god of one’s own making [bedpan]. Can you see what is happening to you? Ask Jesus to take control of your lives, read the Bible & instead of 12 Step groups, go to Church. Burn your Big Book or use it as toilet paper. Can you see the difference: With The 12 Steps, you never recover but with John 3:16 you are guaranteed Eternal Salvation. The “ball is in your court”?
Peace Be With You
Micky; October 17, 2007 at 3:53 AM