Courage

From Hunter

On Friday's Mark runs and AA meeting in our town. I always ask him what his topic is and today he said it was going to be on today's Hazelden Thought for the Day. I read Today's thought (below) and it struck me how much courage I have needed to get through my live over the past few years.

I have used a lot of my courage to deal with an active alcoholic and most recently in the challenges I have been facing in the workplace. I have had an interested revelation over past few days-I give my power away and do not stand up for myself. In the past I was very angry so flailing about and being mad is how I handled things. Of course this is rarely effective. I then sucked up whatever people said and took it as truth. This too was rarely effective. Today I listen first and then ask myself what is right for me...what is my truth based on principles of honest and responsible living. When my truth does not match that of others I do my best to find the courage to stand up for myself.

A message I get in a lot in the workplaces is that I don't fit in. I have been grieving over this lately "what is wrong with me"...NOTHING is WRONG with ME!!!! I am looking in the wrong places and must do something different. I had a conflict with my boss who accused me of wasting company time recently. I am ans was furious as she gave me a written warning. First of all I am only a part timer. Secondly the day she gave me this warning I received praised from a client who though my work was outstanding... hardly sounds like someone who wastes company time. Message-this is the wrong culture for me and she has issues..BUT in the workplace I must learn to get along with others, just as I must in the world. This takes courage.

I have also reflected this morning on the life our son has had. I am blessed that he is happy and I am blessed that his school has given him such incredible nurturing, love, and support. I have in my mind thought through the horrors he has lived through during the active years of drinking watching his dad rage at me and at him and verbally abuse us; frequent visits to our home by the police; DCF involvement in our lives; living in a shelter with me during the worst of it (as I did not have the courage to ask my husband to leave-I left instead and moved into a shelter); inability to focus and concentrate on work in the home; a house that has been in constant state of chaos and so much more. A real nightmare. I must give myself some credit as I constantly sought help for him and myself, attended Alanon, and slowly acted in a courageous fashion...AND today I am Grateful that we no longer have this nightmare in our home and we are all together and blessed with a peaceful home.

There are many ore challenges ahead-especially financial. But all will come together. I have to have faith..And for today right now I am going to this job where I am not appreciated-I must be proactive and take control and change this situation I must do this by doing something different. This is hard but I will do my best and be COURAGEOUS and PATIENT....even thought my patience is wearing thin.

Today's thought from Hazelden is:Courage and PatienceCourage is not grim determination, boastful arrogance, or uncontrolled aggression. True courage comes from quiet conviction, which shows itself in self-control, calm assurance, and patient persistence.It takes courage, for example, to resist lashing back at others who hurt or offend us. It takes courage to endure the consequences of our attitudes, actions, and neglects without bragging or complaining. It takes courage to believe no situation or person is hopeless. It takes courage to remain optimistic about life when nothing seems to turn out right. It takes courage to maintain our enthusiasm and effort despite delays and setbacks. It takes courage to do the things we know are right in spite of our fears of rejection or inadequacy. And it takes courage to refrain from taking over a loved one's responsibilities when he or she is failing to meet them.Today, I will face life with courage. I will respond calmly and confidently to life's challenges. I will place my faith and trust in God and the principles I am learning in this philosophy of living.