I live with a dry drunk today. It is not very much fun. The only difference between a dry drunk and a drunk drunk is that a dry drunk can stop the behavior after a short time, the drunk drunk keeps going on. Also, since I am aware that the raging person is not drunk I am able to handle the situation much better than before. I do not rage back or react. There is much more I want to write but my mind is totally clouded now because of the lack of serenity in my house. I am immobilized and unable to function..This is what living with an active alcoholic did to me in the past and this is what is doing to me today...Today it will be short lived..But I can not write as my head is just not clear.
Later.
Hunter
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http://soberblogs.gotop100.com
daily chronicle written by a recovering alcoholic during first 90 days and his wife, recovering from the devasation of alcholisim in the home. Written from the perspective of the whole family recovering, not just the addict and learing to love and grow together. ALanon, Hazelden,rehab, and alateen discussed.
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A FAMILY IN RECOVERY
Daily chronicle written by a husband and wife about recovery from alcoholism in the first 90 days and beyond from the perspective of the addict and his family. Mark is the recovering alcoholic and Hunter is his wife who has lived with his active alcoholism. Each writes a separate blog everyday discussing their thoughts and feelings as they relate to rebuilding their lives, their marriage, and their family.
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17 comments:
Ditto - wondering how to live with an episodic dry drunk myself.
I recently(2 weeks ago) ended a relationship with a dry drunk. When we met things were so different. They were going to meetings 2-3 x weekly, in therapy & "supposedly" getting a sponser. Gradually all that changed. They didn't want to focus on "Im a alcoholic" anymore. Didn't like the therapist anymore. Never got a sponsor. Then the eisodes of brooding anger set in. Always the victim in most situations... Pitty Parties...complete emotional shut down when they didn't get what they wanted. They didn't feel appreciated (especially by me). They didn't feel emotionally safe( especially with me) In short, it was my resposibility to make them feel safe enough to share, welcome enough to feel included and understanding enough to forgive their not being whatever I needed.
We even tried couples counseling. We'd have weeks of good times, but could get to the emotional grown-up
issues. For instance we took a 9 week course in financial planning... They didn't want to do the hm work. So I had to sketch out a household budget(based on what needed to get by each month) no saving for trips, emergencies, THE FUTURE.
But that's the past. Right now I feel relieved and fearful. On the one hand, I was able to get the courage to end it. that's the relief. But I fear this situation is a result of my history with an alcoholic mother. Most of my long term relationships have been with those emotionally 'immature', like my mother.
I want to stop this cycle. Is there help for me?
Hi: I realize this post is many years old..but I've only recently began looking up the subject of 'dry drunks'......I hope you are doing better emotionally and hope you will see this comment but if not maybe it will help someone else..You asked about stopping the cycle of having relationships with immature partners, since your mother was also emotionally 'immature'...The fact that you can identify that pattern should be the biggest help..Now you can see when something feels like that 'familiar, cozy, misery' you should not waste any more time, also you can remember that you cannot fix, change anyone else's behaviour or feelings and most of all....You should be just as nice and forgiving and take care of yourself and your own health-the way you care about every little detail of trying to make your things with your partner feel perfect.. spend that same amount of dwelling and mental/emotional energy on YOU, and making everything feel perefct for what you need out of a relationship.
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